It's the whole --this is a human, separate from me, and now I am responsible to keep every harmful thing in the outside world away from her-- that defines the journey. I have to keep doing that with my invisible cape draped over my back until Mia is old enough to make the right decisions on her own based on all the lessons my husband and I teach her. THE PRESSURE!
I never knew or understood how important this life we are living is until I created a new one (with my husband's and God's help, of course). Before a child, your life is about you: your education, your career, those new shoes fresh out of the box with that crisp smell, a night out drinking then sleeping past 10am, or the lobster dinner at a fancy restaurant you are paying inordinate amounts of money for just because. The crazy thing about all of that is, you have no idea how much your life revolves around you before you have a child. It feels so natural to put yourself and your needs and wants first. Our whole life, our parents are reinforcing how important it is to take care of ourselves and to acknowledge the purpose of our life. We are told to find our SELF, and that's exactly what we do.
Then a tiny, little human gets placed on your lap. She's taking the lightest breaths you ever heard, her skin is like dew, and (if your lucky like I was) the most beautiful, open eyes look up at you like they already know everything about you. And its true. The tiny bundle does know. She was inside of you for nine months, learning your entire inner workings, physically and emotionally. Mia felt me laugh and cry, she knew my favorite foods, she knew I loved chocolate almond milk every night at 8 o'clock. I imagined her waiting for it, mouth open every night in the dark abyss of my belly. She knew when I was angry or frustrated, and felt my heart beat a little faster. Mia knew it all and I was just there staring back at her in awe of her magical clairvoyance. What did I know? Nothing, because Life with a capital "L" was totally different than what I thought it was. That's why people tell you the moment you lock eyes with your baby, the entire world around you dissolves. It is almost palpable and it will frighten you and thrill you at the same time. Life was starting all over again.
Now I'm a mom and I get it. It's so cliche, but I do. Now I get my mother. There are times where I am rocking Mia to sleep (Yes, I shouldn't be doing this anymore at her age, but sue me! Can't resist.) and I think of my own mother. I think of how much she loves me and how her heart must swell with love when she remembers me as her own tiny bundle of love, breathing lightly on her chest. I remember fighting with her as a teenager, totally perplexed by her inability to LEAVE me alone and let me live my own life. Oh, how naive. How naive I was to not understand that I was her life, and she couldn't just "leave me alone" because that would mean abandoning her own heart on the other side of my bedroom door right where she stood, waiting for me to "get it"... waiting for it to click.
Mia gently combs my hair with her miniature fingers as she falls asleep on my shoulder; she laughs really hard when I tickle her neck and the sides of her chunky belly; she turns the pages of her books as we read in bed before naps and bedtime; she shakes her head no when she doesn't want to eat or if she knows she's touching something she shouldn't be, like my curtains. She makes me feel like I'm the best person in the universe when I'm gone for even a minute and she sees me again. Mia doesn't care if my hair isn't perfect, if I'm not wearing makeup, or if I wake up with a pimple. She always loves me with the same pure and honest love each and every day. Who could possibly ask for more?
All that pressure and how we handle it daily is what makes a mom an incredible being. First, let's examine life pre-baby...
I never knew or understood how important this life we are living is until I created a new one (with my husband's and God's help, of course). Before a child, your life is about you: your education, your career, those new shoes fresh out of the box with that crisp smell, a night out drinking then sleeping past 10am, or the lobster dinner at a fancy restaurant you are paying inordinate amounts of money for just because. The crazy thing about all of that is, you have no idea how much your life revolves around you before you have a child. It feels so natural to put yourself and your needs and wants first. Our whole life, our parents are reinforcing how important it is to take care of ourselves and to acknowledge the purpose of our life. We are told to find our SELF, and that's exactly what we do. 
Then a tiny, little human gets placed on your lap. She's taking the lightest breaths you ever heard, her skin is like dew, and (if your lucky like I was) the most beautiful, open eyes look up at you like they already know everything about you. And its true. The tiny bundle does know. She was inside of you for nine months, learning your entire inner workings, physically and emotionally. Mia felt me laugh and cry, she knew my favorite foods, she knew I loved chocolate almond milk every night at 8 o'clock. I imagined her waiting for it, mouth open every night in the dark abyss of my belly. She knew when I was angry or frustrated, and felt my heart beat a little faster. Mia knew it all and I was just there staring back at her in awe of her magical clairvoyance. What did I know? Nothing, because Life with a capital "L" was totally different than what I thought it was. That's why people tell you the moment you lock eyes with your baby, the entire world around you dissolves. It is almost palpable and it will frighten you and thrill you at the same time. Life was starting all over again.
Now I'm a mom and I get it. It's so cliche, but I do. Now I get my mother. There are times where I am rocking Mia to sleep (Yes, I shouldn't be doing this anymore at her age, but sue me! Can't resist.) and I think of my own mother. I think of how much she loves me and how her heart must swell with love when she remembers me as her own tiny bundle of love, breathing lightly on her chest. I remember fighting with her as a teenager, totally perplexed by her inability to LEAVE me alone and let me live my own life. Oh, how naive. How naive I was to not understand that I was her life, and she couldn't just "leave me alone" because that would mean abandoning her own heart on the other side of my bedroom door right where she stood, waiting for me to "get it"... waiting for it to click.
It clicked at 7:34pm on September 8th, 2014. It clicked very loudly. Now I felt the pressure. Not just the physical pressure of having had a 7 pound baby extracted from my 5 foot body, but the emotional pressure. I will keep you safe, baby Mia, and I will love you forever. I kept repeating that over and over, trying to make sense of the huge responsibility I was just handed. And I will continue to say it until my last day breathing on this planet.
My average day is completely different now that Mia Rose is in my life. When I say completely different, I get this feeling that I'm not even conveying it clearly enough, but I think that's normal. But through all the craziness of chasing diaperless Mia across our apartment with a diaper in one hand or waking up at 5 in the morning to a babbling, kicking baby ready to start her day as if that was a humane hour to do such a thing, I get lots of amazing moments in between... and I mean LOTS.
Mia gently combs my hair with her miniature fingers as she falls asleep on my shoulder; she laughs really hard when I tickle her neck and the sides of her chunky belly; she turns the pages of her books as we read in bed before naps and bedtime; she shakes her head no when she doesn't want to eat or if she knows she's touching something she shouldn't be, like my curtains. She makes me feel like I'm the best person in the universe when I'm gone for even a minute and she sees me again. Mia doesn't care if my hair isn't perfect, if I'm not wearing makeup, or if I wake up with a pimple. She always loves me with the same pure and honest love each and every day. Who could possibly ask for more?
I couldn't imagine many moms saying it's an easy gig because it's not. It's incredibly difficult. Every day is a new challenge to face and some days you will want to hide under your bed and say "Enough is Enough! How much can one human take?!" because it's a 24/7 job. It doesn't matter how tired or sick you feel; you have to keep going and take care of that little critter. And then you remember, you're a mom. You can take a whole lot more than you ever imagined. You'll remember the person you were before that baby, and think to yourself, "My God, I really can do anything."
To sum this up. I wish all mommies the most fabulous Mother's Day. Rest as much as you can, eat anything you want without any guilt, and hug your babies tightly all day long because tomorrow they will be just a little bigger and a little older.
And to my beautiful, blossoming Mia Rose. I thank God that you made me a mommy. It is the best job I will ever have in this life. Watching you grow is the greatest privilege I've been given. Love you from here to the stars.
Love,
Mandy & Mia
