Brownies make everything better

Hey guys, I'm happy I'm posting within the same month. I'm patting myself on the back for this one. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I couldn't be more bummed that it's already over. How could it be that we are already back at Monday? This routine of human life is quite cruel to us.

Connor and I have been going to church almost every Sunday lately. I'm thankful he got me back into going because lately I really need the time to search deep within myself for peace. In that hour, I try to remain thankful for the all the good things I have in my life... mainly my wonderful husband, my health, and my family. I'm trying to work on staying hopeful about things in general. I know that life can't always be easy. That's not how we learn and grow into better people. This must be one of God's tests that I must pass. I know I'm certainly failing now, but I think I'll get there in some time.

In the meantime, I'm praying and keeping myself busy with things I love to do. I try to limit the amount of time I spend doing work at home because I was becoming overwhelmingly bitter and just unpleasant. Unfortunately, I didn't get much work done at school this week because it was report card week. So this weekend I had to bring A LOT of work home. Major disappointment. But I did manage to carve some time out for myself. Connor and I spent Saturday shopping around for a bed. We bought a queen size mattress about a month ago and have been sleeping sans bed for just about that long! We gave our full size bed away to my parents to have for when we visit upstate. It's crazy how quickly I got used to the view down below. It wasn't TOO bad. We, of course. had a box spring, which gave us a little lift. But we decided it was time! We were done living like moochers crashing on someone's floor.

The real push to buy the bed was the $300 gift card we received in the mail from Verizon Fios for signing up 3 months ago! It was such a nice surprise. I forgot we were even getting it. We decided the best thing to do with it would be to buy the bed that we so desperately needed. We went to Ikea and got a really awesome bed for $400! I couldn't be happier. Now I feel like I'm sleeping in a hotel bed. That was a great pick-me-up after a pretty crummy week. Despite having Monday off, the week felt like an eternity!

I am seriously looking forward to the Thanksgiving break. It will be SUCH  a relief from the monotony. I'm hoping during my break I can become a normal person again and feel some kind of relaxation. It will also be nice to get away. Leaving the state will be such a nice mini-vacation. :)

Tonight, to get myself out of my Sunday depression, I baked paleo brownies. My friend made them over the summer and they were honestly the most delicious brownies I had ever tasted. I know some people think it's impossible for healthy treats to be as good as the original (unhealthy) version, but, for me, this was WAY better. They were light (not greasy at all), but still rich and yummy. Plus, I was so happy to break into my coconut oil stash. I've been stocking up on coconut oil as if the apocalypse was approaching. I can't see it on sale or else I have to buy 2 jars. It's usually so expensive, but I've been getting good deals on it lately... like $6 a jar!! :O Unheard of!

I hope you all have a lovely week! I'm praying very hard that it will fly on by... especially Wednesday (stupid after school meetings, BLAH).

Love,
Mandy

Against the Grain

Hello everyone! Almost an entire month later, here I am! I apologize yet again for my inability to write more consistently as I used to. Unfortunately, my job continues to eat up my energy... among many other things..

Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk. When I first started this blog, I promised myself and the readers of this blog that I wouldn't let it go down that dark, familiar road known as Negativity. I would avoid being pessimistic about Connor's hectic journey, and the affect it would have on our marriage. Luckily, those initial concerns I had really have not taken a toll on us. Of course, there are days when I just want to come home from work and spend all my time with him until bedtime, and we just can't. He has loads of work to do, and I just have to take my hour of dinnertime and be happy! That sometimes gets me a little bummed, but for the most part, I'm pretty used to it by now. Not to mention, seeing him be so successful makes all of the sacrifice worth it. He's completely flourishing in all of his endeavors and that has somehow left me looking into a mirror and questioning: Am I flourishing?

I've been getting really down on myself with my current career choice, and how it has been a bit of a letdown. I have always been a bit (okay A LOT) of an idealist. I always imagined the world full of creative possibilities and magical wonder. I  promised myself I would never cage myself just because societal expectations told me to. I was meant to be who I am and not what others wanted me to be. That motivation to dance to the beat of my own drummer always took me down a more bumpy road, but I never once believed I was making a mistake. I wasn't lying to myself--I was living the most accurate version of the life I wanted. During my college years, I was happy with myself and where I saw myself in ten years. I had lofty, creative endeavors and I would reach them all.

Everyone Almost every person over the age of 30 told me I was unrealistic, and that someday I would have to tame my wild spirit and be more pragmatic. My mother was metaphorically beating her head against the wall trying to get me to realize that I was making my life more difficult than it needed to be. The people of the world value stability. The more stable you are, the more successful you were in the eyes of others. So that day finally came, like clockwork, when I decided all my dreams and all that I wanted for my life was unreachable. All of it would lead me to financial insecurity and frustration. With that realization came the decision to choose pragmatism and security because that's what adults have to do. We cannot afford to be selfish because we don't live our lives for ourselves. We live it for the future--for the house we plan on buying in years to come, for the children who have yet to be born, and for the bank accounts we hope to cushion our comfortable lifestyle.

I am now in the middle of my decision to be what others expected me to be and am now faced with dissatisfaction. (This is the negativity that I foreshadowed just a paragraph earlier, if you couldn't tell.) I feel creatively stunted and pressured to limit myself on an everyday basis. I feel regret for time that I now cannot get back when my options were endless and could have done so many other things. Now, thousands of dollars in debt for an education that has led me, not to my ideal profession, but to functionality traps me in my pragmatic prison. Yes, the bitterness could not be more realistic. I choose "reality" and I am now living it in its realest form.

What does this mean for me? ...because simply wallowing in disappointment gets us nowhere. I shouldn't sit around admiring the walls of the hole I dug myself into. I could blame others, but why? Everything was done by my own volition. Do I rediscover my idealistic roots? Do I get even more realistic, and remind myself that I have a husband in medical school who needs a supportive wife, and not a whimsical fairy living in dreamland? I am still figuring all of this out. Some people decide to live their dreams, and some people decide live for comfort: to stay within the boundaries they created for themselves for fear of instability and failure. What I do know is that in years to come, I don't want to look back at my 25 year old self and think, "What was I thinking? You had all the time in the world to live the life you wanted, and yet you chose stasis out of fear."

Forgetting our childhood imagination appears to be a prerequisite to adulthood. You can't pass go without checking your creativity and all of your captivating idiosyncrasies at the door. Choosing to become the standard is somehow the objective looming over our heads. But that doesn't have to be the norm. For some, practicality was, is, and always will be their driving force. For others, it's not. I know no matter what you choose takes bravery. It takes guts to choose something with everything you have and stick with it. I did that the day I married my best friend and would do it a million times over. Love has been the only thing I've chosen with everything I have.

Now if I could find the equivalent in my professional life, then I will have wholly found Eudaimonia. Glad I could end on an idealistic note. :)

Love,
Mandy

Fall Season = Cold/Flu Season

Hi guys! I hope everyone has enjoyed this Fall weather we've been having. Last weekend, my mom and niece visited and we went to a pumpkin patch in town. It was so much fun! We bought 2 big pumpkins to put next to our big basket of mums. We also bought a yummy, homemade pumpkin bread loaf. Delicious! Nothing like the Fall season.

Unfortunately, Fall has also brought with it ILLNESS. Connor was sick all of last week, and now it's my turn. :( UGH. I have been fighting this horrible cold now for a couple of days, and I can't take it anymore! I'm going through tissues like crazy and I'm sick of sounding like a 90 year old man. It also stinks not being able to do my normal routine. I'm just really looking forward to feeling healthy again. :(

Connor will be shadowing the gastro doc tomorrow while I snuggle on the couch with my pillow and a box of kleenex. He's been really getting into his time at the gastrointestinal practice. He's also getting really good with IVs :O I'm not sure how he can handle doing something like that. Hence why I'm am but a mere educator while he is a student doctor. I can't even bare to watch someone else put an IV into an arm let alone be the person doing the jabbing. 

His study schedule has been pretty consistent. BUT that will soon change because his next content exam is quickly approaching. So the small amount cuddly time I get is going to go right out the window! Major bummer. Hopefully, it will come and go painlessly. 

Progress reports go out next week, so I spent the past 2 days writing comments. Not very fun! Doing that on top of everything else (planning, grading, MAKING A GAJILLION COPIES and praying hard that the copier doesn't crap out) wasn't really that great. Thankfully, it's done and submitted! I'm starting to quickly realize that the responsibilities of being a teacher never really end. You could try  to get to the end of that pile of work, but as soon as you do, another pile falls right back down onto your lap. There is literally no such thing as an "end" to all of it.... well of course, not until June 27th! That will be quite a nice end to the madness. Until then, might as well cozy right on up to that pile and get acquainted. Hmph.

Last Sunday, I decided to make a cozy, Fall meal with lots of color. I didn't have a complete plan, but I followed my instincts and I made this!

It was so delicious! I made a lemon chicken with rosemary and roasted red and sweet potatoes. I sauteed the chicken in a pan while I broiled the potatoes in the oven. It was savory and sweet. And I made enough to have leftovers for the next day, which made my Monday very easy. Gotta remember this meal for future dinners! :)

 

Things to look forward to:

1. Pep Rally! I really love the Pep Rally at the HS. It reminds me of all the fun of being a teenager and how much I wish I could go back and really appreciate all of it. And it's also so wonderful to see the kids really enjoy it.

2. Halloween!! My all-time favorite holiday! Last year, Hurricane aka Tropical Storm Sandy totally ruined Halloween for me! I got 2 doorbell rings the whole night, which was a complete letdown. I was totally excited to have my first Halloween in my own house, but that was a bust. So I'm really looking forward to this year's. 

3. Soup Party!! My mother-in-law throws an annual Soup Party (which I blogged about last November) and it's coming up soon. It is one of the best Fall celebrations ever, and I can't wait to eat, drink, and be merry.

Stay happy and healthy, everyone! It's Fall which means beautiful, cool weather and cold and flu season! Gotta take the good with the bad, I guess!

Love,

Mandy

Behind the Curtain of Teaching

Yes, I have come back from the dead! I apologize for taking such a long hiatus. Starting my first year of teaching has seriously hit me like a ton of bricks. It's been really time consuming and just as exhausting as I dreaded it to be. It's not only lots of work during school hours, but also at home. I barely get to come home, relax, and spend time with hubby! :(

I'm hoping that I will soon fall into a routine that will allow me more free time at home. What I have learned so far from just my first 2 full weeks of teaching:

1. Kids today are SERIOUSLY not the same as past generations. This isn't one of those comments that your grandparents made like, "Oh, back in my day...." despite sounding like one. Children today are very different. They have access to way more than we ever did in our youth, which is simultaneously beneficial and harmful.Their perspective of the world can become too complex for their maturity level based on what they learn from unfiltered media. Does this mean children should be brought up in a bubble? Absolutely not! But there should be some progression to them obtaining knowledge about specific things. They are also generally more daring, vocal, and repelled by authority and traditional education, i.e. lecturing, note-taking, obeying classroom rules, and doing anything non-technological or hands-on. And yes, most children by nature have never really liked those things, but in the past have felt much more obligated to follow directions regardless of liking it or not. This tells me education needs to take a new direction.

2. Just because someone is a certain age doesn't mean they are an "adult." Plenty of "adults" I have encountered do not live up to adult expectations, i.e. being professional, caring, ethical, and just. We expect certain behavior from people based on age, and I think that leaves us feeling frustrated and confused. Some people, despite years of experience, don't learn how to be kind or fair to others or even themselves.... And some young people will leave us happily surprised with their maturity, which is always wonderful!

3. Being a teacher requires an excellent sense of balance. You need to know how to balance the energy of a classroom (having fun but also learning), your home life (lesson-planning/grading but also unwinding), and your relationships with colleagues (being respectful of one another despite having differing teaching styles and opinions). All aspects of the profession require you to constantly monitor your behavior and how you prioritize your responsibilities. This is just a good skill to have in any profession.

4. Caring TOO much makes you TOO vulnerable. This is an extension of #3. As a teacher you want nothing but the best for every one of your students and for them to succeed. However, we can only do so much and the child has to meet you halfway. Leaving yourself too emotionally involved isn't healthy and can often leave you feeling disappointed and cynical. Your expectations will not always be the same as theirs. Teaching is a job and as much as it involves being a passionate individual, it is still just a job.

5. Being considered a "good" teacher is so variant depending on who is doing the judging. Trying to prove to others that you are "effective" at what you do is dangerous to your skill. It will most likely render you "ineffective" because you're no longer enjoying what you do, but instead are constantly evaluating yourself using another person's scale. If you leave your class feeling like you did the best job you could possibly do, were fair to every student in the classroom, and also enjoyed what you did for at least 70% of your day then you can go home knowing you are a "good" teacher. People expect too much from teachers and wearing yourself thin does not prove anything to anyone.

Those are just 5 of the many things I have learned so far, and I know plenty more are to follow. I have already been on such a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that I can understand so clearly why teachers are some of the most caring, stressed-out, and intelligent people I know. Anyone who really believes teaching is an easy profession is truly ignorant to the reality of it all. The courage that it takes to guide another human's future and hope that he or she follows that course that you set before them is immense. And crazily enough, I am almost positive teaching takes about only 30% of the courage it takes to be a parent.

I know I haven't updated much about Connor's side of things. I felt it necessary to spare a post on what is eating up most of my life (and to be fair now half of his life also). Connor is a great team player and listens to all of my rants and helps me cook and clean up after I'm worn out from my day. I'm so incredibly thankful to have him as a husband and best friend. He's been doing such a great job with balancing school and our life at home together. We make sure to eat dinner together every day and have an hour after dinner to just unwind on the couch. That's my favorite part of the day. :)

On a really happy note... Fall is almost here! So looking forward to apple and pumpkin picking and baking lots of pies!

Love,
Mandy

Happy Beginnings

Hi guys! Can you believe August is practically over?! I'm still coping with how quickly this month flew right by. Tomorrow is my orientation for the newly hired staff in the district and I'm a little anxious about it, but also very excited. I've worked so hard to get to this point, so it feels so rewarding to have finally reached this point. But I'm also anxious about all the big changes that are coming my way. I know my days of lounging, cooking elaborate dinners, and baking delicious treats are going to be SERIOUSLY limited now. And just the thought that I am going to be in charge of 30+ students' academic futures is a bit scary! When I get freaked out, I remind myself that I earned this position and I am capable of handling whatever comes my way. :)

These past three weeks have been somewhat difficult. It's been a challenge adjusting to Connor's new study schedule. It seems like when he's home that's all he does and I've been really missing our free days together. I was so used to it before Summer started! I got far too spoiled, and now it's like the beginning of first year all over again. :( I remember how hard it was to adjust to then, and, in reality, it isn't as hard as that. This summer was just particularly special because it was basically a long celebration of our wedding, so going back to having very small amounts of quality time wasn't a breeze.

I'm already getting used to it and have accepted it as our new normal. I keep reminding myself that it's not only hard for me, but also very hard for Connor, too. I know it isn't easy to go to class then come home to just sit down at a desk and study all night. I try to make it as bearable as I can. And I'm realizing that having a good attitude about it is the best way to do that!

Since all of this crummy stuff has been going on, I'm excited for a new beginning and starting the school year optimistically. Before I kick off the school year, Connor and I will have one last hurrah at the beach this weekend! I'm hoping the weather is great, so I can get back a little of my summer tan. Yes, I'm already tan! I know.... ;)

Oh I have a picture of my new hairdo! I chickened out and didn't cut off very much, but I did get layers! My hair feels much lighter and healthier. I figured I can cut off more if I choose to later on. But once you cut too much, you can't go back!! D:

This past Sunday, Connor and I went out east and celebrated my brother-in-law's birthday. I baked him an Oreo cake and he really liked it, which made me soo happy! It really makes baking that much more enjoyable for me when I get to see other people loving the food.

I also made a homemade eggplant pizza the other day and Connor really liked it! This was a little accomplishment for me because he's not crazy about vegetable pizzas. He'll eat it and like it, but just won't really enjoy it. So when he said that the eggplant was really good, I smiled and squealed to myself. :P

Look at that handsome man eat!! I still get butterflies ;)

Love,
Mandy <3

The not-so-easy swing of things

Hi guys! Connor started his second year this Monday and got right back into it, which was a little bit of a bummer. I was hoping they'd ease into it, but then I remembered this is medical school we're talking about! There's no such thing as ease! Ease is a luxury that the beast of medical school does not afford us, so I just had to get right back into it, as well!

Before he left for his first day back, I forced Connor to take a picture haha

How do I do that, you might ask? Well, I make myself busy cooking, baking, & organizing. (Luckily, I'm still on Summer break and can enjoy having free-time). I have already tried 2 new recipes that I absolutely fell in love with. Two days ago, I found a recipe online for quinoa veggie wraps, but I decided to adapt it a little. I added grilled chicken strips, pink beans, and avocado. They were amazing! I tossed the pink beans into my quinoa along with some chopped red onion, then added the chicken, sliced avocado & tomato. I wrapped it up tight in a whole wheat wrap then grilled it until it had cute grill lines! :P Connor really enjoyed them, which was a delight to watch. Definitely adding it to my quick work week meals! It only took about 40 minutes total to prepare!

This morning, while rolling around in bed for a good ten minutes, I was imagining a plate of golden brown pancakes on a plate with warm syrup drizzling down the sides. However, I was not in the mood to stuff my face with unhealthy carbs that would leave me feeling hungry again an hour later. Then I remembered another fun recipe that I saw on Pinterest of blueberry greek yogurt pancakes. Lately, I have been such a freak about eating greek yogurt everyday. I have seriously become addicted to it. I buy this really delicious dark chocolate chunk granola and eat it for dessert or just as a snack in the middle of my day. But I digress! I had plenty of greek yogurt at my disposal (and blueberries) to attempt the pancakes. While I was making them I was a little skeptical because the consistency of the batter is a little like a mousse.. not the usual thin, runny batter of regular pancakes. But they turned out to be so tasty! I'm questioning ever making pancakes the old way ever again! They were fluffy, moist, and packed with flavor and protein! :)

Tonight for dinner I made some mashed sweet potatoes with turkey meatloaf and string beans. I enjoyed so much I had a SMALL second plate :X. I couldn't help myself! I've been so in the mood for the Fall season that I needed to recreate Thanksgiving just a little bit!

So what is my medical student husband up to? He is beginning his year with staph infections! Exciting, right?! Yes, we are back to discussing all the yucky things our bodies are capable of doing. The pretend "patient" his group is attempting to diagnose/treat came to the office with a raised bump and surrounding rash on his cheek. He works on a farm on Long Island and is 45 and originally from Honduras. There are so many other factors that my non-sciency brain cannot retain that brought them to investigate a staph infection as a possible diagnosis. Stay tuned to discover the result!

Moving away from yucky stuff.... I am getting my haircut next week and I'm so nervous! My hair has grown so much in the past year and a half and I'm not sure if I'm totally ready to part with even an inch of it. I will decide soon enough how much I'm going to cut off! It's just getting very burdensome and heavy, and I think I'm ready for a fun change now that Fall is headed our way! :) I'll be sure to post pictures after I take the plunge.

Oh and my city date with my mom to see the musical Chicago was a blast! It's very risque and has some great humor. The singing and dancing was also fabulous. My favorite part was the song "Razzle Dazzle." I wanted to quickly snap a picture of all the cool effects, but I was scared I'd be arrested or something awfully similar. But at least I have a wonderful mental memory of it! The cast did such a spectacular job! Bravo!

Love,
Mandy

Preparing for/Dreading Y2

Hello family and friends! I hope all of you have been staying cool this summer season and doing lots of fun things outdoors. Connor and I have been trying to soak up every last bit of our break before he heads back to school next Monday. :( Yes, I said it. Next Monday! Where did the summer go? It seemed to slip right through our fingers. So here we are at the cusp of  summer's end and the beginning of year 2.

Things I will miss about Summer and NO medical school:
1. Sleeping in
2. Having a totally stress-free home
3. Listening to tv/music at a normal volume
4. Seeing the front of Connor's head
5. Cuddling on the couch for hours at a time
6. Not finding index cards all over the house
7. Being able to plan days out completely guilt-free and not worrying about exams

Should I just end it? Yes, yes I will end it because I fear this whole post will become a sad collection of all the things that this Summer gave to us and all that we are saying goodbye to with the oncoming year. Year 2 has a terrible connotation to it. All you have to do is mention year 2 and it will give any medical student a cold shiver down his/her back. It is one of the most difficult years (year 3 will also give us quite a beating) and it won't be easy getting out of it with much of our sanity intact. The boards at the end of the year will hang over heads for many months to come...... yikes.

On top of all the stress of Connor's difficult year ahead, this will also be my first year teaching! As much as I am excited, I am also terrified and anxious of all the unknowns. I know I will not only get through it, but I will do a great job! (See how I've got this pep talk business down-pat?) It won't be easy and I still have so much to learn, but I will make it through! I keep reminding myself of how Connor survived (and thrived) in medical school during his first year. He is such an inspiration to me of how anything is possible when you maintain a good attitude and work hard. This upcoming year will be a challenge for the both of us, but luckily we're going into it together! :) So lucky to have an awesome teammate by my side.

Enough about all of the heavy stuff headed our way. Last week, I celebrated my niece's 5th birthday! I cannot believe how big she is getting! Just to torture myself, I started sorting through all of her baby pictures and getting emotional about how quickly time flies. And how unfair it is that we have to see cute, chunky babies turn into mini-people with real opinions. UGH. (Why do I keep slipping into bummer town?!) SO, we had a blast at Dorney Park and watching Brianna have a great time going on the rides. She was a little picky, so unfortunately we had to see her get on a carousel and a swing ride multiple times. :/

Also, Connor celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago too! I got him a new pair of running sneakers. Thankfully, he really liked them. :)


My birthday is coming up in just a few days!! Next week is my mother's birthday, so we're combining our birthdays and going to see the musical Chicago in the city. I'm really looking forward to it because I haven't been to a musical in such a long time.


Enjoy the rest of summer as much as you can! It is flying by... :(

Love,
Mandy