The Ever-Growing Pockets

After finally reaching this incredible milestone in my pregnancy - 37 weeks! - I have a flood of emotions taking me in all sorts of different directions. These past 8 and a half months have been so life changing that when I sit and take time to reflect, my body starts to think I'm sprinting on my old high school track and I can feel my heart start to race. I am not sure how a person can transform so much in under a year, but I feel as though I've gone through this rapid, internal transformation and trying to make sense of that is exhausting and overwhelming.

I always try to explain to others my life pre-Connor -- before I fell in love with this perfect guy. I try to articulate how different I was internally and I struggle to get my point across. That's partly because words, as much as they can free you, they can also severely limit you at your most extreme emotional peaks or valleys. But also because of how impossible it is to articulate something as personal and non-concrete as internal involvement. Only I know where my thoughts were at that time in my life and what my heart was telling me. Here I go trying to explain something so abstract yet again... (my writer self doesn't let me give up!).

There's a very specific independence that you feel when you come to terms with who you are and accepting that self -- a self that is simply yours and no one else's. I believe some people may never experience this in their life. They went from one relationship to the next and somehow missed this phase. But I certainly felt that comfort before Connor. I was happy being on my own, and enjoying the time to explore the fantasy of my mind and where it could take me. I dreamed of so many things other than love and commitment. I had faith in the future I was going to build myself with no one else's input.

Then one day that version of myself slowly started to blend into another picture. I imagine it just like a kaleidoscope: one beautiful image slowly morphing to another -- some parts staying constant and others molding into something new. People say love shouldn't change you, but I find that absurd. It's emotionally chemically impossibly not to change when the real deal walks into your world. Your brain just flicks a switch. And discovering the magic of one person coming into your life and changing something (God, I hate how inadequate that word is) --something that you'll never able to pinpoint or describe -- is so incredible, yet terrifying!

Becoming part of another human being is intense. Every day I spent with Connor, I felt myself getting more emotionally intertwined and invested, and it scared me. I remember one night, before bed, I looked at him and thought, "If I were ever to lose this person completely, what would I feel?" And my heart sank like a rock into my stomach, and I realized CRAP! This is what it's like to really love someone! It's fear, anxiety, amazement, magic, worry, a spectrum of emotions that you can barely get a handle of while you stir the sugar into your morning coffee.

So there was that. My first huge emotional transformation all wrapped up in another human's physical self. It's easy to invest your life in the intangible--ideas that float around like imaginary paper airplanes. They are safe and untouched by the threats of real life, like car accidents and Ebola. But human flesh --something so tangible and fragile-- held my entire emotional being. SCARY! After five years of journeying through life as a couple, I learned how to deal with that huge love. I had to compartmentalize it into all the fibers of my being. Just like how the extensive amount of shoes in my closet fall into their own little pockets of space in my closet, my love has found pockets of space in my body: nose, pinky toe, elbow...until my entire body has consumed this utterly huge amount of love.

And just as I got used to organizing this massive, eluding collection of feelings, I now try to grapple with yet another enormous life change --bringing a child into this world. Wait. Let me elaborate -- our child -- a child produced from that crazy, ridiculous, intense love that I always try to put into frivolous words. So now this love is multiplied by numbers too large to crunch on the most intelligent scientific calculator you could imagine. Here comes that heart attack feeling creeping up on me.

What am I supposed to do with this all of this? My living closet self has no more pockets! Will I explode from trying to stuff so much emotional paraphernalia in this 5 foot nothing space? I am paralyzed by the idea of seeing the physical manifestation of this love. I dream of it at night and wake up with my heart beating out of my chest. This little girl has stolen my heart since the day I found out she was growing in my belly. And yet however large this weight gets, there is nothing left to do but expand! My pockets will grow pockets and those mysteriously enduring spaces where our deepest feelings live all over our body will stretch to unreasonable limits to fit and contain the boundless love I have for this precious little girl.

As the months went by and the stakes got higher during this pregnancy, all I could do is pray. Ever day, I pray for her health and safety; I pray for my husband to stay healthy and safe as he will soon have 2 ladies waiting for him to come home every day to hug him tightly, and I pray for myself to have the strength to bear all this love and all the worry it brings with it.

Becoming a mother is a genuinely fascinating experience. It's such an incredible feeling to grow a life inside of you and to carry that memory with you forever. I will never forget the feeling of hearing Mia's heartbeat for the first time, or feeling her first kick. I will never forget the worry I feel if she stops moving for more than 10 minutes and praying to God to feel even the smallest movement so I can breathe normally again (yes, I'm that neurotic!).  I will never forget throwing up every morning and night in the first 3 months and yet still finding the energy to smile because you know you're feeling like crap for a reason WAY better than eating bad Chinese food.

So, this is what a mother-to-be feels like at 37 weeks waiting (impatiently!) to finally hold her baby in her arms. I will surely post what all of this feels like after I meet my baby girl so soon!


Love,
A mommy with ever-growing pockets of love <3

Hello to Year 3!

Hi guys! I'm writing from the pregnancy twilight zone where time abides by a different set of rules! Holy cow, I feel like I've been pregnant for a lifetime! I am just starting week 35 today and I am really looking forward to these next 5 weeks going by quickly. It seems as though the faster you want the time to go by, the slower it goes. Oh, you know what I'm talking about if you have ever been to a DMV, had an office job, took a boring lecture class, or... HAVE BEEN PREGNANT.

So sure, I can sit here and complain about how sick I am of heartburn, leg cramps, carpal tunnel, frequent trips to the loo, lack of sleep,  gaining weight, swollen hands and feet, wearing maternity clothes, and how everything is just considerably more difficult to do with this big belly. BUT I won't! Nope. Instead, I will say, I am eager to meet my beautiful baby girl and hold her in my arms. I can't wait to feel her warm little body, see her little eyes open, and smell her sweet baby skin. YAY! That'll make these insane 9 months all worth it!

Moving away from pregnancy... Connor has begun year 3! WOOO. Yet another milestone in this long journey has finally arrived! We celebrated his white coat ceremony last month, which was so emotional. It was just so exciting to see the material realization of all his hard work. I was such a proud wife. I could even feel baby girl's happiness from inside my tummy.

Last week was his first week of General Medicine rotations. He is currently in the ICU and has been trying all sorts of new things and impressing the pants the white coats off the residents. Again, my hubby proves to be super-awesome! So far, the hours have not been horrible at all. We've been very lucky. I was pretty nervous, but he gets home in time for dinner. Of course dinner is now about an hour later than usual, but I'm okay with that! As great as this rotation is, I won't keep my expectations up for this! I know every rotation will bring an entirely new experience, so I'm keeping my mind open. It really is just a relief to be making progress in this long adventure. The past 2 pre-clinical years felt like forever! Hoping that the clinical half will progress with a little more momentum. I think they will, especially with baby girl, Mia. But don't go by too quickly, you evil manipulator Time! I still want to enjoy all the craziness while it lasts.

Excuse the paper plate. Birthday means no dishes!

Last Saturday, I celebrated my 26th birthday! It was lots of fun to just have hubby home with me. All I really wanted for my birthday was a big french toast breakfast, so Connor and I had fun putting it all together. I used Challah bread, and made a blueberry sauce and whipped cinnamon cream. Everything was so delicious! My mom and niece joined us for breakfast and it was so wonderful! Later in the day, we went out to dinner at an Irish restaurant nearby. I had steak, potatoes, and spinach - so good. All in all, it was a birthday filled with love and good food. I certainly can't complain. :)

For my birthday, Connor got me a really cool DSLR camera to take pictures of baby Mia! It was the best gift ever! I can't wait to photograph my little princess like crazy. Photo shoots in cute baby outfits galore coming soon! Hope you guys are ready for it. haha ;) Yesterday, I was watching tutorials with Connor to try to learn how to use the fancy piece of technology. I'm practicing taking pictures around the house and using a stuffed dog as a place holder for little Mia. NORMAL. Yes, I have lots of time on my hands right now!

Summer is quickly coming to a close, which means I'm that much closer to meeting our little girl! AHHH. Please September, just get here already! :D

Love,
Mandy

After an offensively hot day of teaching in a high school without air conditioning, I feel exhausted and yet eager to share my thoughts on some of the strange experiences I've had while pregnant. I came home today, damp from sweat, so of course I wasn't feeling my greatest. Luckily, the hubby was home with a giant smile on his face and waiting for me with the biggest and coziest hug. After dealing with irritable people all day in the scorching heat, it's so nice to come home to unconditional love.

Anyway! I was washing the dishes, recollecting my day, and I had come to a bothersome conclusion: women are consistently made a target for critique in regard to physical appearance. So, I started thinking about all the comments I've received while pregnant about my looks. Before I start divulging some of these comments, I feel it necessary to first consider why we feel the importance to examine a woman's physical appearance with such scrutiny. And what I found to be most irritating is that the majority or all of these criticisms come from women themselves.

So, ultimately, the subject of all the scrutiny is also the agent of the scrutinizing. How strange! Or maybe it isn't. If women are consistently feeling attacked about their weight, make-up, or clothes, does it eventually transform their own mode of thinking? I think so. I think it starts to transform their way of viewing themselves and other women.

Woman as the model of idealistic sexuality and physicality is certainly not new. That is an archetype that we are all aware of in any region or culture. But I still do find it strange that some women would rather subject their peers, in either slight or prodigious ways, to this meaningless stereotype.

So! Back to where I started. Early enough in pregnancy (just over a month pregnant), I already started to hear an array of comments such as, "Your face definitely looks different." Or "You already look much fuller." Or my personal favorite "You were so thin and small. It's so weird to see you with a belly." Do I truly believe these people mean any harm? I'm positive most of them don't. Maybe some do, but I'd like to strongly believe the former. Regardless of their intentions, these women choose to focus their attention immediately on the physical aspect of pregnancy because that's what they were conditioned to do since early in age. It has been so rare that I have had the wonderful experience of discussing the beautiful, transformative, emotional journey of pregnancy. Instead, the conversation is reduced mostly to swollen ankles, enlarged breasts, and mysteriously subtle, but present, changes to my face.

Unfortunately women, pregnant or not, experience this kind of critique on a regular basis. Whether it's a bad hair day, or you decide not to wear make-up and are told all day that you look tired and in need of sleep. Whether or not the woman in front of you is intellectually capable of holding a stimulating conversation, you decide instead to mention something as mundane and arbitrary as her choice of attire. How funny it would be to see one man approach another man about the length of his pants.

All women know the feeling of being reduced to the length of their skirt, the neckline of their blouse, or a number on a scale. We all know that horrible feeling of having to feel ashamed of our femininity for either dressing in some unfitting way or not wearing enough concealer. Because we are all familiar with that awful feeling, we should make a genuine effort to support one another by not torturing one another with mindless, outdated notions of female beauty and standards. We should instead respect one another for their accomplishments by reminding each other how strong and intelligent we truly are.

Will this ridiculously lengthy post change everything? NO. Of course not, but if I at least made one person think about this topic, then I can smile. :) I know I want my daughter growing up to be supported by the words of women, not afflicted by them.

Love,
Mandy

The Love of 3

What a whirlwind the past couple of months have been! I am so excited to just spill all the beans and catch you up on our past 5 months.

In early January, Connor and I received the happiest (albeit kinda scary!) news of our lives: we are expecting our first baby in September of this year! Finding out the news was truly life changing, but ever since that day, I've only grown more excited to be a mommy. This certainly wasn't in our 2 year plan, but sometimes God has different plans for us. And I have to say, plans that involve this big of a blessing have to be welcomed with open arms. :)

The first three months of pregnancy were.... difficult. Morning sickness took a hold on my soul and decided it wasn't letting go for a long time. Every morning without fail, I felt as though I was up all night sucking down the strongest margaritas on Earth without stopping to breathe. And it lasted ALL DAY. Whoever termed it "morning" sickness is a cruel person. If you have the misfortune of experiencing morning sickness, it will be a 24 hour battle. Ultimately, that completely ruined food. FOOD. One of my greatest joys and pleasures in life as most of you know from my blog. EVERYTHING LOOKED, TASTED, AND WENT DOWN like it was vomit. Oh, too much information? I apologize, but after living through that, I feel as though just hearing about it is the smallest favor this world can give back to me! ;) And forget about cooking! Handling raw meat... no. way.

It's a girl!!

So now, at week 22, what's the difference? EVERYTHING! Everything is different. I can eat (voraciously) and I can actually stay awake past 7:30pm! That was a delightful and welcomed change after falling asleep on the couch almost immediately after dinner every night for 2 months. Sleeping (during the day) I think was the only thing that helped me survive the death grip of morning sickness. Unfortunately for me, I was not sleeping at night! Sleeping at night was disrupted by stomach upset, headaches, frequent bathroom trips, and anxiety. But I'm very happy to say those days are long gone! Of course not the frequent bathroom trips. I am still zombie-ing my way to the loo at least 2 times a night. I always imagine the baby at night locating my bladder and just kicking it or squeezing it for fun like it's a rubber toy. It's her nighttime antics already at play.

It's obvious from reading this, I've experienced all the ugly and troubling symptoms of pregnancy. But what about all the good? I have to tell you-- the good is what will get you. It will make you feel like the happiest and strongest woman in the world. The good makes me believe in all the butterflies and rainbows in the world because there is nothing better than growing a life inside of you --a  special life that is the product of love. I feel incredibly lucky, already, to be the mom to my little girl. Whenever I feel her moving around in my tummy, I get this overwhelming emotion that makes me unbelievably thankful that I'm here on this planet. All the crummy stuff that we go through on a regular basis means nothing because in the scope of it all, it doesn't matter. Mean people, bills, Mondays, traffic, paper cuts, the common cold... NONE of that sums up life. What really matters is growing the amount of love you create and give in this world.

How could a human the size of a papaya make me come to such a cheesy life altering conclusion? It's hard to articulate quite honestly. I don't think it can easily be explained. It's something I wouldn't have ever understood until I experienced it. Seeing my baby grow from the size of a gummy bear at week 8 to a 20 week baby that has hands that curl into a fist and knees that bend and allow her to kick and flip around is magic! Sure, it sounds cliche. But cliches are true. Pregnancy is a miracle and I wouldn't change this whole life-flipping-upside-down thing for anything in the world.

Most of the comments I hear about being pregnant with a husband in medical school are laden with anxiety and fear.. understandably! The first three months, I would toss around in bed for hours wondering how this will all work out. Then last week in a public bathroom,  after some light conversation, an older woman said to me, "You guys are brave. Trust me, you won't ever regret the adventure." I looked at her with so much surprise because that was the coolest thing anyone has said to me yet.

Connor and I have never really lived an "ordinary" life since we met. We always laugh about it. It's been a wild, crazy, and ridiculously fun ride since we first fell in love with each other. The intensity of our connection was sometimes too much for a few people, but that same intensity has blessed us with nothing but success and happiness. I have an unending faith in God that Connor, me, and our precious baby will be protected on our crazy journey. Some people were meant for the extraordinary adventure in life because they can handle the ride. I think that's us. You can't avoid the downs of the ride either, but we always get through them because we love each other. And now, we're even luckier, because the love of 2 is growing to the love of 3.

Love,
Mandy

Embracing the Moment

After being told by my very genuine father-in-law that my blog was becoming "stale," (Thanks, Dad in law for your honesty! ;)) I thought I should finally come out of my writing coma and get right back into it!

Connor and I have been really enjoying our break together... I think a little too much because it is flying right by us! Soon enough we will be right back to our work routines. I'm certainly not looking forward to that. I've been in such a relaxed state, just thinking about going back to work makes my eye twitch and my throat dry up. Next Monday morning, I will be like a 7 year old crying and yanking at my bed sheets. I shudder just thinking about it. Let's go back to dream land now.

So far, Connor and I have traveled all over to visit family for the holidays. I hope all of you had a wonderful and happy Christmas! We had such a blast celebrating our first Christmas together as a married couple. It was extra special because my family joined Connor's for an extravagant X-Mas Eve dinner at my in-law's out east. It was so much fun and the food was incredible, as always. I really can't brag enough. It's just that good! We had the tenderest filet mignon I could ever imagine tasting, along with many other goodies. There's seriously nothing like holiday eating! I can't remember what life was like just a week ago because I started stuffing my face every 2 hours. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it...Yikes.

My family stayed over our little home and we spent Christmas morning together eating a yummy breakfast and opening gifts. It was the perfect way to spend the holiday, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier.

We also did some shopping last weekend and got some great deals at the outlets! I bought a really great Coach purse and wallet, and Connor racked up some great shirts at J.Crew. The deals are too good to be ignored!! Well, we had to take advantage of all the sales because we sure won't be shopping like this again anytime soon! After the holidays, my wallet starts coughing up dust, which is a sign to start saving again.

How could I not mention this sooner? It's New Year's Eve! I'm sure I just gave it away that I'm not doing anything super noteworthy tonight. NYE is kind of overrated for me, and I just can't understand all the hype sometimes. I get that it's very intriguing to be able to reinvent yourself for a new year. I myself get intrigued by that, too. But quite honestly, NYE is way more depressing to me than it is exciting. I find it sad how time is so fleeting and how most people and things rush life just to get to another goal or time. I wish  we could appreciate the present much more than we actually do. I know that not everyone treats NYE as some throw away of the old and in with the new, but that's often the idea represented by it. I guess when it really comes down to it the day is all about hope. People need hope in order to feel motivated and like they are moving forward. And a fresh start in a year has that exact appeal that they are searching for. I can't argue against the power behind hope. I certainly have many hopes for the upcoming year: I hope Connor does outstandingly on his boards, I hope I survive this first year teaching without anymore tears and hair pulling moments, and I hope my husband and I can enjoy more time together, despite our hectic schedules. However, I do want to take time to say that we are free to resolve to do anything at any time in our lives, not just one day of the year. And if you are going to resolve to do something for the year, let it include enjoying the present because in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

2013 has brought me so many memories. I got married to my best friend and got my first teaching job . So, I have a lot to be thankful for. Who knows what this year will bring our way. I will be hopeful that it will be nothing but good things. I don't know if it could top this year, though!

Okay, that's all for my cliche rant! I wish everyone an exciting and safe New Year's Eve! Make sure you get that lucky kiss at midnight. Can't wait for mine with my hubby! ;)

Love,
Mandy

Brownies make everything better

Hey guys, I'm happy I'm posting within the same month. I'm patting myself on the back for this one. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I couldn't be more bummed that it's already over. How could it be that we are already back at Monday? This routine of human life is quite cruel to us.

Connor and I have been going to church almost every Sunday lately. I'm thankful he got me back into going because lately I really need the time to search deep within myself for peace. In that hour, I try to remain thankful for the all the good things I have in my life... mainly my wonderful husband, my health, and my family. I'm trying to work on staying hopeful about things in general. I know that life can't always be easy. That's not how we learn and grow into better people. This must be one of God's tests that I must pass. I know I'm certainly failing now, but I think I'll get there in some time.

In the meantime, I'm praying and keeping myself busy with things I love to do. I try to limit the amount of time I spend doing work at home because I was becoming overwhelmingly bitter and just unpleasant. Unfortunately, I didn't get much work done at school this week because it was report card week. So this weekend I had to bring A LOT of work home. Major disappointment. But I did manage to carve some time out for myself. Connor and I spent Saturday shopping around for a bed. We bought a queen size mattress about a month ago and have been sleeping sans bed for just about that long! We gave our full size bed away to my parents to have for when we visit upstate. It's crazy how quickly I got used to the view down below. It wasn't TOO bad. We, of course. had a box spring, which gave us a little lift. But we decided it was time! We were done living like moochers crashing on someone's floor.

The real push to buy the bed was the $300 gift card we received in the mail from Verizon Fios for signing up 3 months ago! It was such a nice surprise. I forgot we were even getting it. We decided the best thing to do with it would be to buy the bed that we so desperately needed. We went to Ikea and got a really awesome bed for $400! I couldn't be happier. Now I feel like I'm sleeping in a hotel bed. That was a great pick-me-up after a pretty crummy week. Despite having Monday off, the week felt like an eternity!

I am seriously looking forward to the Thanksgiving break. It will be SUCH  a relief from the monotony. I'm hoping during my break I can become a normal person again and feel some kind of relaxation. It will also be nice to get away. Leaving the state will be such a nice mini-vacation. :)

Tonight, to get myself out of my Sunday depression, I baked paleo brownies. My friend made them over the summer and they were honestly the most delicious brownies I had ever tasted. I know some people think it's impossible for healthy treats to be as good as the original (unhealthy) version, but, for me, this was WAY better. They were light (not greasy at all), but still rich and yummy. Plus, I was so happy to break into my coconut oil stash. I've been stocking up on coconut oil as if the apocalypse was approaching. I can't see it on sale or else I have to buy 2 jars. It's usually so expensive, but I've been getting good deals on it lately... like $6 a jar!! :O Unheard of!

I hope you all have a lovely week! I'm praying very hard that it will fly on by... especially Wednesday (stupid after school meetings, BLAH).

Love,
Mandy

Against the Grain

Hello everyone! Almost an entire month later, here I am! I apologize yet again for my inability to write more consistently as I used to. Unfortunately, my job continues to eat up my energy... among many other things..

Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk. When I first started this blog, I promised myself and the readers of this blog that I wouldn't let it go down that dark, familiar road known as Negativity. I would avoid being pessimistic about Connor's hectic journey, and the affect it would have on our marriage. Luckily, those initial concerns I had really have not taken a toll on us. Of course, there are days when I just want to come home from work and spend all my time with him until bedtime, and we just can't. He has loads of work to do, and I just have to take my hour of dinnertime and be happy! That sometimes gets me a little bummed, but for the most part, I'm pretty used to it by now. Not to mention, seeing him be so successful makes all of the sacrifice worth it. He's completely flourishing in all of his endeavors and that has somehow left me looking into a mirror and questioning: Am I flourishing?

I've been getting really down on myself with my current career choice, and how it has been a bit of a letdown. I have always been a bit (okay A LOT) of an idealist. I always imagined the world full of creative possibilities and magical wonder. I  promised myself I would never cage myself just because societal expectations told me to. I was meant to be who I am and not what others wanted me to be. That motivation to dance to the beat of my own drummer always took me down a more bumpy road, but I never once believed I was making a mistake. I wasn't lying to myself--I was living the most accurate version of the life I wanted. During my college years, I was happy with myself and where I saw myself in ten years. I had lofty, creative endeavors and I would reach them all.

Everyone Almost every person over the age of 30 told me I was unrealistic, and that someday I would have to tame my wild spirit and be more pragmatic. My mother was metaphorically beating her head against the wall trying to get me to realize that I was making my life more difficult than it needed to be. The people of the world value stability. The more stable you are, the more successful you were in the eyes of others. So that day finally came, like clockwork, when I decided all my dreams and all that I wanted for my life was unreachable. All of it would lead me to financial insecurity and frustration. With that realization came the decision to choose pragmatism and security because that's what adults have to do. We cannot afford to be selfish because we don't live our lives for ourselves. We live it for the future--for the house we plan on buying in years to come, for the children who have yet to be born, and for the bank accounts we hope to cushion our comfortable lifestyle.

I am now in the middle of my decision to be what others expected me to be and am now faced with dissatisfaction. (This is the negativity that I foreshadowed just a paragraph earlier, if you couldn't tell.) I feel creatively stunted and pressured to limit myself on an everyday basis. I feel regret for time that I now cannot get back when my options were endless and could have done so many other things. Now, thousands of dollars in debt for an education that has led me, not to my ideal profession, but to functionality traps me in my pragmatic prison. Yes, the bitterness could not be more realistic. I choose "reality" and I am now living it in its realest form.

What does this mean for me? ...because simply wallowing in disappointment gets us nowhere. I shouldn't sit around admiring the walls of the hole I dug myself into. I could blame others, but why? Everything was done by my own volition. Do I rediscover my idealistic roots? Do I get even more realistic, and remind myself that I have a husband in medical school who needs a supportive wife, and not a whimsical fairy living in dreamland? I am still figuring all of this out. Some people decide to live their dreams, and some people decide live for comfort: to stay within the boundaries they created for themselves for fear of instability and failure. What I do know is that in years to come, I don't want to look back at my 25 year old self and think, "What was I thinking? You had all the time in the world to live the life you wanted, and yet you chose stasis out of fear."

Forgetting our childhood imagination appears to be a prerequisite to adulthood. You can't pass go without checking your creativity and all of your captivating idiosyncrasies at the door. Choosing to become the standard is somehow the objective looming over our heads. But that doesn't have to be the norm. For some, practicality was, is, and always will be their driving force. For others, it's not. I know no matter what you choose takes bravery. It takes guts to choose something with everything you have and stick with it. I did that the day I married my best friend and would do it a million times over. Love has been the only thing I've chosen with everything I have.

Now if I could find the equivalent in my professional life, then I will have wholly found Eudaimonia. Glad I could end on an idealistic note. :)

Love,
Mandy