Our First Mother's Day

Today is my first Mother's Day and it's truly a strange feeling! I've celebrated plenty of Mother's Days before, but it finally has a new meaning for me. This day makes me relive the day Mia was born. I remember being exhausted in the hospital, and my husband hands me a tiny pink bundle of love. At that moment, I became a mom. Of course, throughout my pregnancy, I felt like a mom. I was carrying around my daughter on my person: the closest we would ever be in our lifetime together! But, nope. I was not quite there yet to mommyhood. It was all preparation for the real deal to come.

It's the whole --this is a human, separate from me, and now I am responsible to keep every harmful thing in the outside world away from her-- that defines the journey. I have to keep doing that with my invisible cape draped over my back until Mia is old enough to make the right decisions on her own based on all the lessons my husband and I teach her. THE PRESSURE!

All that pressure and how we handle it daily is what makes a mom an incredible being. First, let's examine life pre-baby...

I never knew or understood how important this life we are living is until I created a new one (with my husband's and God's help, of course). Before a child, your life is about you: your education, your career, those new shoes fresh out of the box with that crisp smell, a night out drinking then sleeping past 10am, or the lobster dinner at a fancy restaurant you are paying inordinate amounts of money for just because. The crazy thing about all of that is, you have no idea how much your life revolves around you before you have a child. It feels so natural to put yourself and your needs and wants first. Our whole life, our parents are reinforcing how important it is to take care of ourselves and to acknowledge the purpose of our life. We are told to find our SELF, and that's exactly what we do. 

Then a tiny, little human gets placed on your lap. She's taking the lightest breaths you ever heard, her skin is like dew, and (if your lucky like I was) the most beautiful, open eyes look up at you like they already know everything about you. And its true. The tiny bundle does know. She was inside of you for nine months, learning your entire inner workings, physically and emotionally. Mia felt me laugh and cry, she knew my favorite foods, she knew I loved chocolate almond milk every night at 8 o'clock. I imagined her waiting for it, mouth open every night in the dark abyss of my belly. She knew when I was angry or frustrated, and felt my heart beat a little faster. Mia knew it all and I was just there staring back at her in awe of her magical clairvoyance. What did I know? Nothing, because Life with a capital "L" was totally different than what I thought it was. That's why people tell you the moment you lock eyes with your baby, the entire world around you dissolves. It is almost palpable and it will frighten you and thrill you at the same time. Life was starting all over again.

Now I'm a mom and I get it. It's so cliche, but I do. Now I get my mother. There are times where I am rocking Mia to sleep (Yes, I shouldn't be doing this anymore at her age, but sue me! Can't resist.) and I think of my own mother. I think of how much she loves me and how her heart must swell with love when she remembers me as her own tiny bundle of love, breathing lightly on her chest. I remember fighting with her as a teenager, totally perplexed by her inability to LEAVE me alone and let me live my own life. Oh, how naive. How naive I was to not understand that I was her life, and she couldn't just "leave me alone" because that would mean abandoning her own heart on the other side of my bedroom door right where she stood, waiting for me to "get it"... waiting for it to click.

It clicked at 7:34pm on September 8th, 2014. It clicked very loudly. Now I felt the pressure. Not just the physical pressure of having had a 7 pound baby extracted from my 5 foot body, but the emotional pressure. I will keep you safe, baby Mia, and I will love you forever. I kept repeating that over and over, trying to make sense of the huge responsibility I was just handed. And I will continue to say it until my last day breathing on this planet.

My average day is completely different now that Mia Rose is in my life. When I say completely different, I get this feeling that I'm not even conveying it clearly enough, but I think that's normal. But through all the craziness of chasing diaperless Mia across our apartment with a diaper in one hand or waking up at 5 in the morning to a babbling, kicking baby ready to start her day as if that was a humane hour to do such a thing, I get lots of amazing moments in between... and I mean LOTS. 

Mia gently combs my hair with her miniature fingers as she falls asleep on my shoulder; she laughs really hard when I tickle her neck and the sides of her chunky belly; she turns the pages of her books as we read in bed before naps and bedtime; she shakes her head no when she doesn't want to eat or if she knows she's touching something she shouldn't be, like my curtains. She makes me feel like I'm the best person in the universe when I'm gone for even a minute and she sees me again. Mia doesn't care if my hair isn't perfect, if I'm not wearing makeup, or if I wake up with a pimple. She always loves me with the same pure and honest love each and every day. Who could possibly ask for more? 

I couldn't imagine many moms saying it's an easy gig because it's not. It's incredibly difficult. Every day is a new challenge to face and some days you will want to hide under your bed and say "Enough is Enough! How much can one human take?!" because it's a 24/7 job. It doesn't matter how tired or sick you feel; you have to keep going and take care of that little critter. And then you remember, you're a mom. You can take a whole lot more than you ever imagined. You'll remember the person you were before that baby, and think to yourself, "My God, I really can do anything."  

To sum this up. I wish all mommies the most fabulous Mother's Day. Rest as much as you can, eat anything you want without any guilt, and hug your babies tightly all day long because tomorrow they will be just a little bigger and a little older.

And to my beautiful, blossoming Mia Rose. I thank God that you made me a mommy. It is the best job I will ever have in this life. Watching you grow is the greatest privilege I've been given. Love you from here to the stars.

Love,

Mandy & Mia

Love Does the Dirty Work

Greeting, blogosphere, I write to you from mommy-land! It's been almost 6 weeks since my little Mia Rose was born and albeit the most exhausting 6 weeks I've ever experienced, they have also been the most magical! Just as I suspected, seeing my little one for the first time would overwhelm me with the most powerful love a human could ever imagine. I'm pretty sure I cried non-stop for the first 2 weeks every time I saw, smelled, touched, or thought of my precious baby girl. So yes, I am still learning to compartmentalize all this love into pockets! At times, the love overflows out of me, but I'm getting a handle of it! ;)

First, I want to share the beautiful details of our daughter's birth. At about 2:30 AM my water broke in bed and it was the scariest, effing thing I ever woke up to. I was shaking uncontrollably because this was it. This baby had to find a way out one way or another and that meant me experiencing a whole lot of pain. So, after calling the doctor, getting the hospital bags together, and stuffing a granola bar in my mouth, (By the way, EAT MORE FUTURE MOMMIES! That was my last "real" meal for 17 hours. Not a good idea.) we drove to the hospital. After 17 hours of painful contractions, 3 nurse changes, and 2 bowls of soup broth, my doctor told me the safest thing to do was to proceed with a c-section, especially since I was starting to get a fever. Cue the tears. I was scared out of my mind! I've seen plenty of c-section videos, but nothing can prepare you for someone to tell you that or the surgery itself. I don't care how strong you are, THAT CRAP HURTS. Despite the plethora of drugs they pump into your body, the pain is very much so present! Thankfully, I had my partner-in-crime/best hubby in the world, beside me telling me how awesome I was. AWWW.

Anyway, after what felt like a lifetime of being on that operating table, finally I heard the doctor tell me she was out and she did so by exclaiming, "Look at those lips! She's beautiful!" In front of my face came the cutest, pinkest, rosebud baby with even pinker, pouty lips ready to kiss her mommy and daddy right on the cheek. Cue the tears again. Suddenly, the world made sense. Mia Rose was born 7 pounds and 2 ounces, 20 inches long, and perfect.

Being a mom is incredible. Yuck, that doesn't even describe the half of it! Mia is magic. Her eyes looking at me is magic. It's not of this world; it's something way bigger than I can ever explain. From the first day I learned that I would be a mommy, I felt lucky--scared out of my mind, but lucky. I knew that this baby would change Connor's and my life forever for the best. And even when people close to us doubted the timing of this miracle, we still stood our ground that this was meant to be. God decided it was our time to be parents to a beautiful baby girl. It took so much courage for Connor and I to stand up to those who criticized us for having a baby while he was still in medical school. There were times that I would cry to him in bed at night because it killed me emotionally that those who should have given us strength were instead filling us with fear. All we could do was have faith that God's timing is never wrong and lean on those who supported us and reminded us of the exciting future to come. I'm so thankful for those friends and family who stuck with us the whole way through our long pregnancy journey! Especially my mom who is always a fountain of love and my good work friends, Clare bear and Ally who listened to my crap and reminded me to laugh at it all.

Yes, having a a baby while a husband is in medical school is a challenge. Because the nature of this blog is to honestly talk about how our personal life and medical school intertwine, I certainly don't want to leave out that  harsh  reality. Getting maybe 5 hours of (really bad) sleep then waking up at 4:30 AM for a surgery rotation and getting home at 6:30PM to go to bed by 8PM is a huge challenge. Connor does a fantastic job of making it look easy because of his awesome personality. Thank God for that! At night, we look at each other and say "This is CRAZY. How are we doing this?" Then we remind ourselves that love is doing it. The love we have for Mia and for our marriage is doing the dirty (diaper) work for us. The only easy thing about it is showering our gorgeous daughter with lots of hugs and kisses!

So with all the good, the bad, the ugly that comes with being new parents, you start to learn so much more about yourself. You learn that negativity is stupid and pointless and more people need to stop wasting so much energy on it. I want nothing but positive energy surrounding my daughter.. always, as long as I can help it. You also learn to forgive more easily because when you reflect on the beauty and the innocence of a newborn, you remember that life is so much more than being angry at or resentful for the mistakes of others. And lastly, you learn that nothing is more important than saying I love you... Especially to your husband after a long day of feeding sessions, bottle washing, diaper changes, laundry washing, and vomit cleaning!

Love,

Mandy, Connor, & Mia

The Ever-Growing Pockets

After finally reaching this incredible milestone in my pregnancy - 37 weeks! - I have a flood of emotions taking me in all sorts of different directions. These past 8 and a half months have been so life changing that when I sit and take time to reflect, my body starts to think I'm sprinting on my old high school track and I can feel my heart start to race. I am not sure how a person can transform so much in under a year, but I feel as though I've gone through this rapid, internal transformation and trying to make sense of that is exhausting and overwhelming.

I always try to explain to others my life pre-Connor -- before I fell in love with this perfect guy. I try to articulate how different I was internally and I struggle to get my point across. That's partly because words, as much as they can free you, they can also severely limit you at your most extreme emotional peaks or valleys. But also because of how impossible it is to articulate something as personal and non-concrete as internal involvement. Only I know where my thoughts were at that time in my life and what my heart was telling me. Here I go trying to explain something so abstract yet again... (my writer self doesn't let me give up!).

There's a very specific independence that you feel when you come to terms with who you are and accepting that self -- a self that is simply yours and no one else's. I believe some people may never experience this in their life. They went from one relationship to the next and somehow missed this phase. But I certainly felt that comfort before Connor. I was happy being on my own, and enjoying the time to explore the fantasy of my mind and where it could take me. I dreamed of so many things other than love and commitment. I had faith in the future I was going to build myself with no one else's input.

Then one day that version of myself slowly started to blend into another picture. I imagine it just like a kaleidoscope: one beautiful image slowly morphing to another -- some parts staying constant and others molding into something new. People say love shouldn't change you, but I find that absurd. It's emotionally chemically impossibly not to change when the real deal walks into your world. Your brain just flicks a switch. And discovering the magic of one person coming into your life and changing something (God, I hate how inadequate that word is) --something that you'll never able to pinpoint or describe -- is so incredible, yet terrifying!

Becoming part of another human being is intense. Every day I spent with Connor, I felt myself getting more emotionally intertwined and invested, and it scared me. I remember one night, before bed, I looked at him and thought, "If I were ever to lose this person completely, what would I feel?" And my heart sank like a rock into my stomach, and I realized CRAP! This is what it's like to really love someone! It's fear, anxiety, amazement, magic, worry, a spectrum of emotions that you can barely get a handle of while you stir the sugar into your morning coffee.

So there was that. My first huge emotional transformation all wrapped up in another human's physical self. It's easy to invest your life in the intangible--ideas that float around like imaginary paper airplanes. They are safe and untouched by the threats of real life, like car accidents and Ebola. But human flesh --something so tangible and fragile-- held my entire emotional being. SCARY! After five years of journeying through life as a couple, I learned how to deal with that huge love. I had to compartmentalize it into all the fibers of my being. Just like how the extensive amount of shoes in my closet fall into their own little pockets of space in my closet, my love has found pockets of space in my body: nose, pinky toe, elbow...until my entire body has consumed this utterly huge amount of love.

And just as I got used to organizing this massive, eluding collection of feelings, I now try to grapple with yet another enormous life change --bringing a child into this world. Wait. Let me elaborate -- our child -- a child produced from that crazy, ridiculous, intense love that I always try to put into frivolous words. So now this love is multiplied by numbers too large to crunch on the most intelligent scientific calculator you could imagine. Here comes that heart attack feeling creeping up on me.

What am I supposed to do with this all of this? My living closet self has no more pockets! Will I explode from trying to stuff so much emotional paraphernalia in this 5 foot nothing space? I am paralyzed by the idea of seeing the physical manifestation of this love. I dream of it at night and wake up with my heart beating out of my chest. This little girl has stolen my heart since the day I found out she was growing in my belly. And yet however large this weight gets, there is nothing left to do but expand! My pockets will grow pockets and those mysteriously enduring spaces where our deepest feelings live all over our body will stretch to unreasonable limits to fit and contain the boundless love I have for this precious little girl.

As the months went by and the stakes got higher during this pregnancy, all I could do is pray. Ever day, I pray for her health and safety; I pray for my husband to stay healthy and safe as he will soon have 2 ladies waiting for him to come home every day to hug him tightly, and I pray for myself to have the strength to bear all this love and all the worry it brings with it.

Becoming a mother is a genuinely fascinating experience. It's such an incredible feeling to grow a life inside of you and to carry that memory with you forever. I will never forget the feeling of hearing Mia's heartbeat for the first time, or feeling her first kick. I will never forget the worry I feel if she stops moving for more than 10 minutes and praying to God to feel even the smallest movement so I can breathe normally again (yes, I'm that neurotic!).  I will never forget throwing up every morning and night in the first 3 months and yet still finding the energy to smile because you know you're feeling like crap for a reason WAY better than eating bad Chinese food.

So, this is what a mother-to-be feels like at 37 weeks waiting (impatiently!) to finally hold her baby in her arms. I will surely post what all of this feels like after I meet my baby girl so soon!


Love,
A mommy with ever-growing pockets of love <3

Hello to Year 3!

Hi guys! I'm writing from the pregnancy twilight zone where time abides by a different set of rules! Holy cow, I feel like I've been pregnant for a lifetime! I am just starting week 35 today and I am really looking forward to these next 5 weeks going by quickly. It seems as though the faster you want the time to go by, the slower it goes. Oh, you know what I'm talking about if you have ever been to a DMV, had an office job, took a boring lecture class, or... HAVE BEEN PREGNANT.

So sure, I can sit here and complain about how sick I am of heartburn, leg cramps, carpal tunnel, frequent trips to the loo, lack of sleep,  gaining weight, swollen hands and feet, wearing maternity clothes, and how everything is just considerably more difficult to do with this big belly. BUT I won't! Nope. Instead, I will say, I am eager to meet my beautiful baby girl and hold her in my arms. I can't wait to feel her warm little body, see her little eyes open, and smell her sweet baby skin. YAY! That'll make these insane 9 months all worth it!

Moving away from pregnancy... Connor has begun year 3! WOOO. Yet another milestone in this long journey has finally arrived! We celebrated his white coat ceremony last month, which was so emotional. It was just so exciting to see the material realization of all his hard work. I was such a proud wife. I could even feel baby girl's happiness from inside my tummy.

Last week was his first week of General Medicine rotations. He is currently in the ICU and has been trying all sorts of new things and impressing the pants the white coats off the residents. Again, my hubby proves to be super-awesome! So far, the hours have not been horrible at all. We've been very lucky. I was pretty nervous, but he gets home in time for dinner. Of course dinner is now about an hour later than usual, but I'm okay with that! As great as this rotation is, I won't keep my expectations up for this! I know every rotation will bring an entirely new experience, so I'm keeping my mind open. It really is just a relief to be making progress in this long adventure. The past 2 pre-clinical years felt like forever! Hoping that the clinical half will progress with a little more momentum. I think they will, especially with baby girl, Mia. But don't go by too quickly, you evil manipulator Time! I still want to enjoy all the craziness while it lasts.

Excuse the paper plate. Birthday means no dishes!

Last Saturday, I celebrated my 26th birthday! It was lots of fun to just have hubby home with me. All I really wanted for my birthday was a big french toast breakfast, so Connor and I had fun putting it all together. I used Challah bread, and made a blueberry sauce and whipped cinnamon cream. Everything was so delicious! My mom and niece joined us for breakfast and it was so wonderful! Later in the day, we went out to dinner at an Irish restaurant nearby. I had steak, potatoes, and spinach - so good. All in all, it was a birthday filled with love and good food. I certainly can't complain. :)

For my birthday, Connor got me a really cool DSLR camera to take pictures of baby Mia! It was the best gift ever! I can't wait to photograph my little princess like crazy. Photo shoots in cute baby outfits galore coming soon! Hope you guys are ready for it. haha ;) Yesterday, I was watching tutorials with Connor to try to learn how to use the fancy piece of technology. I'm practicing taking pictures around the house and using a stuffed dog as a place holder for little Mia. NORMAL. Yes, I have lots of time on my hands right now!

Summer is quickly coming to a close, which means I'm that much closer to meeting our little girl! AHHH. Please September, just get here already! :D

Love,
Mandy

After an offensively hot day of teaching in a high school without air conditioning, I feel exhausted and yet eager to share my thoughts on some of the strange experiences I've had while pregnant. I came home today, damp from sweat, so of course I wasn't feeling my greatest. Luckily, the hubby was home with a giant smile on his face and waiting for me with the biggest and coziest hug. After dealing with irritable people all day in the scorching heat, it's so nice to come home to unconditional love.

Anyway! I was washing the dishes, recollecting my day, and I had come to a bothersome conclusion: women are consistently made a target for critique in regard to physical appearance. So, I started thinking about all the comments I've received while pregnant about my looks. Before I start divulging some of these comments, I feel it necessary to first consider why we feel the importance to examine a woman's physical appearance with such scrutiny. And what I found to be most irritating is that the majority or all of these criticisms come from women themselves.

So, ultimately, the subject of all the scrutiny is also the agent of the scrutinizing. How strange! Or maybe it isn't. If women are consistently feeling attacked about their weight, make-up, or clothes, does it eventually transform their own mode of thinking? I think so. I think it starts to transform their way of viewing themselves and other women.

Woman as the model of idealistic sexuality and physicality is certainly not new. That is an archetype that we are all aware of in any region or culture. But I still do find it strange that some women would rather subject their peers, in either slight or prodigious ways, to this meaningless stereotype.

So! Back to where I started. Early enough in pregnancy (just over a month pregnant), I already started to hear an array of comments such as, "Your face definitely looks different." Or "You already look much fuller." Or my personal favorite "You were so thin and small. It's so weird to see you with a belly." Do I truly believe these people mean any harm? I'm positive most of them don't. Maybe some do, but I'd like to strongly believe the former. Regardless of their intentions, these women choose to focus their attention immediately on the physical aspect of pregnancy because that's what they were conditioned to do since early in age. It has been so rare that I have had the wonderful experience of discussing the beautiful, transformative, emotional journey of pregnancy. Instead, the conversation is reduced mostly to swollen ankles, enlarged breasts, and mysteriously subtle, but present, changes to my face.

Unfortunately women, pregnant or not, experience this kind of critique on a regular basis. Whether it's a bad hair day, or you decide not to wear make-up and are told all day that you look tired and in need of sleep. Whether or not the woman in front of you is intellectually capable of holding a stimulating conversation, you decide instead to mention something as mundane and arbitrary as her choice of attire. How funny it would be to see one man approach another man about the length of his pants.

All women know the feeling of being reduced to the length of their skirt, the neckline of their blouse, or a number on a scale. We all know that horrible feeling of having to feel ashamed of our femininity for either dressing in some unfitting way or not wearing enough concealer. Because we are all familiar with that awful feeling, we should make a genuine effort to support one another by not torturing one another with mindless, outdated notions of female beauty and standards. We should instead respect one another for their accomplishments by reminding each other how strong and intelligent we truly are.

Will this ridiculously lengthy post change everything? NO. Of course not, but if I at least made one person think about this topic, then I can smile. :) I know I want my daughter growing up to be supported by the words of women, not afflicted by them.

Love,
Mandy

The Love of 3

What a whirlwind the past couple of months have been! I am so excited to just spill all the beans and catch you up on our past 5 months.

In early January, Connor and I received the happiest (albeit kinda scary!) news of our lives: we are expecting our first baby in September of this year! Finding out the news was truly life changing, but ever since that day, I've only grown more excited to be a mommy. This certainly wasn't in our 2 year plan, but sometimes God has different plans for us. And I have to say, plans that involve this big of a blessing have to be welcomed with open arms. :)

The first three months of pregnancy were.... difficult. Morning sickness took a hold on my soul and decided it wasn't letting go for a long time. Every morning without fail, I felt as though I was up all night sucking down the strongest margaritas on Earth without stopping to breathe. And it lasted ALL DAY. Whoever termed it "morning" sickness is a cruel person. If you have the misfortune of experiencing morning sickness, it will be a 24 hour battle. Ultimately, that completely ruined food. FOOD. One of my greatest joys and pleasures in life as most of you know from my blog. EVERYTHING LOOKED, TASTED, AND WENT DOWN like it was vomit. Oh, too much information? I apologize, but after living through that, I feel as though just hearing about it is the smallest favor this world can give back to me! ;) And forget about cooking! Handling raw meat... no. way.

It's a girl!!

So now, at week 22, what's the difference? EVERYTHING! Everything is different. I can eat (voraciously) and I can actually stay awake past 7:30pm! That was a delightful and welcomed change after falling asleep on the couch almost immediately after dinner every night for 2 months. Sleeping (during the day) I think was the only thing that helped me survive the death grip of morning sickness. Unfortunately for me, I was not sleeping at night! Sleeping at night was disrupted by stomach upset, headaches, frequent bathroom trips, and anxiety. But I'm very happy to say those days are long gone! Of course not the frequent bathroom trips. I am still zombie-ing my way to the loo at least 2 times a night. I always imagine the baby at night locating my bladder and just kicking it or squeezing it for fun like it's a rubber toy. It's her nighttime antics already at play.

It's obvious from reading this, I've experienced all the ugly and troubling symptoms of pregnancy. But what about all the good? I have to tell you-- the good is what will get you. It will make you feel like the happiest and strongest woman in the world. The good makes me believe in all the butterflies and rainbows in the world because there is nothing better than growing a life inside of you --a  special life that is the product of love. I feel incredibly lucky, already, to be the mom to my little girl. Whenever I feel her moving around in my tummy, I get this overwhelming emotion that makes me unbelievably thankful that I'm here on this planet. All the crummy stuff that we go through on a regular basis means nothing because in the scope of it all, it doesn't matter. Mean people, bills, Mondays, traffic, paper cuts, the common cold... NONE of that sums up life. What really matters is growing the amount of love you create and give in this world.

How could a human the size of a papaya make me come to such a cheesy life altering conclusion? It's hard to articulate quite honestly. I don't think it can easily be explained. It's something I wouldn't have ever understood until I experienced it. Seeing my baby grow from the size of a gummy bear at week 8 to a 20 week baby that has hands that curl into a fist and knees that bend and allow her to kick and flip around is magic! Sure, it sounds cliche. But cliches are true. Pregnancy is a miracle and I wouldn't change this whole life-flipping-upside-down thing for anything in the world.

Most of the comments I hear about being pregnant with a husband in medical school are laden with anxiety and fear.. understandably! The first three months, I would toss around in bed for hours wondering how this will all work out. Then last week in a public bathroom,  after some light conversation, an older woman said to me, "You guys are brave. Trust me, you won't ever regret the adventure." I looked at her with so much surprise because that was the coolest thing anyone has said to me yet.

Connor and I have never really lived an "ordinary" life since we met. We always laugh about it. It's been a wild, crazy, and ridiculously fun ride since we first fell in love with each other. The intensity of our connection was sometimes too much for a few people, but that same intensity has blessed us with nothing but success and happiness. I have an unending faith in God that Connor, me, and our precious baby will be protected on our crazy journey. Some people were meant for the extraordinary adventure in life because they can handle the ride. I think that's us. You can't avoid the downs of the ride either, but we always get through them because we love each other. And now, we're even luckier, because the love of 2 is growing to the love of 3.

Love,
Mandy

Embracing the Moment

After being told by my very genuine father-in-law that my blog was becoming "stale," (Thanks, Dad in law for your honesty! ;)) I thought I should finally come out of my writing coma and get right back into it!

Connor and I have been really enjoying our break together... I think a little too much because it is flying right by us! Soon enough we will be right back to our work routines. I'm certainly not looking forward to that. I've been in such a relaxed state, just thinking about going back to work makes my eye twitch and my throat dry up. Next Monday morning, I will be like a 7 year old crying and yanking at my bed sheets. I shudder just thinking about it. Let's go back to dream land now.

So far, Connor and I have traveled all over to visit family for the holidays. I hope all of you had a wonderful and happy Christmas! We had such a blast celebrating our first Christmas together as a married couple. It was extra special because my family joined Connor's for an extravagant X-Mas Eve dinner at my in-law's out east. It was so much fun and the food was incredible, as always. I really can't brag enough. It's just that good! We had the tenderest filet mignon I could ever imagine tasting, along with many other goodies. There's seriously nothing like holiday eating! I can't remember what life was like just a week ago because I started stuffing my face every 2 hours. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it...Yikes.

My family stayed over our little home and we spent Christmas morning together eating a yummy breakfast and opening gifts. It was the perfect way to spend the holiday, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier.

We also did some shopping last weekend and got some great deals at the outlets! I bought a really great Coach purse and wallet, and Connor racked up some great shirts at J.Crew. The deals are too good to be ignored!! Well, we had to take advantage of all the sales because we sure won't be shopping like this again anytime soon! After the holidays, my wallet starts coughing up dust, which is a sign to start saving again.

How could I not mention this sooner? It's New Year's Eve! I'm sure I just gave it away that I'm not doing anything super noteworthy tonight. NYE is kind of overrated for me, and I just can't understand all the hype sometimes. I get that it's very intriguing to be able to reinvent yourself for a new year. I myself get intrigued by that, too. But quite honestly, NYE is way more depressing to me than it is exciting. I find it sad how time is so fleeting and how most people and things rush life just to get to another goal or time. I wish  we could appreciate the present much more than we actually do. I know that not everyone treats NYE as some throw away of the old and in with the new, but that's often the idea represented by it. I guess when it really comes down to it the day is all about hope. People need hope in order to feel motivated and like they are moving forward. And a fresh start in a year has that exact appeal that they are searching for. I can't argue against the power behind hope. I certainly have many hopes for the upcoming year: I hope Connor does outstandingly on his boards, I hope I survive this first year teaching without anymore tears and hair pulling moments, and I hope my husband and I can enjoy more time together, despite our hectic schedules. However, I do want to take time to say that we are free to resolve to do anything at any time in our lives, not just one day of the year. And if you are going to resolve to do something for the year, let it include enjoying the present because in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

2013 has brought me so many memories. I got married to my best friend and got my first teaching job . So, I have a lot to be thankful for. Who knows what this year will bring our way. I will be hopeful that it will be nothing but good things. I don't know if it could top this year, though!

Okay, that's all for my cliche rant! I wish everyone an exciting and safe New Year's Eve! Make sure you get that lucky kiss at midnight. Can't wait for mine with my hubby! ;)

Love,
Mandy

Brownies make everything better

Hey guys, I'm happy I'm posting within the same month. I'm patting myself on the back for this one. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I couldn't be more bummed that it's already over. How could it be that we are already back at Monday? This routine of human life is quite cruel to us.

Connor and I have been going to church almost every Sunday lately. I'm thankful he got me back into going because lately I really need the time to search deep within myself for peace. In that hour, I try to remain thankful for the all the good things I have in my life... mainly my wonderful husband, my health, and my family. I'm trying to work on staying hopeful about things in general. I know that life can't always be easy. That's not how we learn and grow into better people. This must be one of God's tests that I must pass. I know I'm certainly failing now, but I think I'll get there in some time.

In the meantime, I'm praying and keeping myself busy with things I love to do. I try to limit the amount of time I spend doing work at home because I was becoming overwhelmingly bitter and just unpleasant. Unfortunately, I didn't get much work done at school this week because it was report card week. So this weekend I had to bring A LOT of work home. Major disappointment. But I did manage to carve some time out for myself. Connor and I spent Saturday shopping around for a bed. We bought a queen size mattress about a month ago and have been sleeping sans bed for just about that long! We gave our full size bed away to my parents to have for when we visit upstate. It's crazy how quickly I got used to the view down below. It wasn't TOO bad. We, of course. had a box spring, which gave us a little lift. But we decided it was time! We were done living like moochers crashing on someone's floor.

The real push to buy the bed was the $300 gift card we received in the mail from Verizon Fios for signing up 3 months ago! It was such a nice surprise. I forgot we were even getting it. We decided the best thing to do with it would be to buy the bed that we so desperately needed. We went to Ikea and got a really awesome bed for $400! I couldn't be happier. Now I feel like I'm sleeping in a hotel bed. That was a great pick-me-up after a pretty crummy week. Despite having Monday off, the week felt like an eternity!

I am seriously looking forward to the Thanksgiving break. It will be SUCH  a relief from the monotony. I'm hoping during my break I can become a normal person again and feel some kind of relaxation. It will also be nice to get away. Leaving the state will be such a nice mini-vacation. :)

Tonight, to get myself out of my Sunday depression, I baked paleo brownies. My friend made them over the summer and they were honestly the most delicious brownies I had ever tasted. I know some people think it's impossible for healthy treats to be as good as the original (unhealthy) version, but, for me, this was WAY better. They were light (not greasy at all), but still rich and yummy. Plus, I was so happy to break into my coconut oil stash. I've been stocking up on coconut oil as if the apocalypse was approaching. I can't see it on sale or else I have to buy 2 jars. It's usually so expensive, but I've been getting good deals on it lately... like $6 a jar!! :O Unheard of!

I hope you all have a lovely week! I'm praying very hard that it will fly on by... especially Wednesday (stupid after school meetings, BLAH).

Love,
Mandy

Against the Grain

Hello everyone! Almost an entire month later, here I am! I apologize yet again for my inability to write more consistently as I used to. Unfortunately, my job continues to eat up my energy... among many other things..

Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk. When I first started this blog, I promised myself and the readers of this blog that I wouldn't let it go down that dark, familiar road known as Negativity. I would avoid being pessimistic about Connor's hectic journey, and the affect it would have on our marriage. Luckily, those initial concerns I had really have not taken a toll on us. Of course, there are days when I just want to come home from work and spend all my time with him until bedtime, and we just can't. He has loads of work to do, and I just have to take my hour of dinnertime and be happy! That sometimes gets me a little bummed, but for the most part, I'm pretty used to it by now. Not to mention, seeing him be so successful makes all of the sacrifice worth it. He's completely flourishing in all of his endeavors and that has somehow left me looking into a mirror and questioning: Am I flourishing?

I've been getting really down on myself with my current career choice, and how it has been a bit of a letdown. I have always been a bit (okay A LOT) of an idealist. I always imagined the world full of creative possibilities and magical wonder. I  promised myself I would never cage myself just because societal expectations told me to. I was meant to be who I am and not what others wanted me to be. That motivation to dance to the beat of my own drummer always took me down a more bumpy road, but I never once believed I was making a mistake. I wasn't lying to myself--I was living the most accurate version of the life I wanted. During my college years, I was happy with myself and where I saw myself in ten years. I had lofty, creative endeavors and I would reach them all.

Everyone Almost every person over the age of 30 told me I was unrealistic, and that someday I would have to tame my wild spirit and be more pragmatic. My mother was metaphorically beating her head against the wall trying to get me to realize that I was making my life more difficult than it needed to be. The people of the world value stability. The more stable you are, the more successful you were in the eyes of others. So that day finally came, like clockwork, when I decided all my dreams and all that I wanted for my life was unreachable. All of it would lead me to financial insecurity and frustration. With that realization came the decision to choose pragmatism and security because that's what adults have to do. We cannot afford to be selfish because we don't live our lives for ourselves. We live it for the future--for the house we plan on buying in years to come, for the children who have yet to be born, and for the bank accounts we hope to cushion our comfortable lifestyle.

I am now in the middle of my decision to be what others expected me to be and am now faced with dissatisfaction. (This is the negativity that I foreshadowed just a paragraph earlier, if you couldn't tell.) I feel creatively stunted and pressured to limit myself on an everyday basis. I feel regret for time that I now cannot get back when my options were endless and could have done so many other things. Now, thousands of dollars in debt for an education that has led me, not to my ideal profession, but to functionality traps me in my pragmatic prison. Yes, the bitterness could not be more realistic. I choose "reality" and I am now living it in its realest form.

What does this mean for me? ...because simply wallowing in disappointment gets us nowhere. I shouldn't sit around admiring the walls of the hole I dug myself into. I could blame others, but why? Everything was done by my own volition. Do I rediscover my idealistic roots? Do I get even more realistic, and remind myself that I have a husband in medical school who needs a supportive wife, and not a whimsical fairy living in dreamland? I am still figuring all of this out. Some people decide to live their dreams, and some people decide live for comfort: to stay within the boundaries they created for themselves for fear of instability and failure. What I do know is that in years to come, I don't want to look back at my 25 year old self and think, "What was I thinking? You had all the time in the world to live the life you wanted, and yet you chose stasis out of fear."

Forgetting our childhood imagination appears to be a prerequisite to adulthood. You can't pass go without checking your creativity and all of your captivating idiosyncrasies at the door. Choosing to become the standard is somehow the objective looming over our heads. But that doesn't have to be the norm. For some, practicality was, is, and always will be their driving force. For others, it's not. I know no matter what you choose takes bravery. It takes guts to choose something with everything you have and stick with it. I did that the day I married my best friend and would do it a million times over. Love has been the only thing I've chosen with everything I have.

Now if I could find the equivalent in my professional life, then I will have wholly found Eudaimonia. Glad I could end on an idealistic note. :)

Love,
Mandy

Fall Season = Cold/Flu Season

Hi guys! I hope everyone has enjoyed this Fall weather we've been having. Last weekend, my mom and niece visited and we went to a pumpkin patch in town. It was so much fun! We bought 2 big pumpkins to put next to our big basket of mums. We also bought a yummy, homemade pumpkin bread loaf. Delicious! Nothing like the Fall season.

Unfortunately, Fall has also brought with it ILLNESS. Connor was sick all of last week, and now it's my turn. :( UGH. I have been fighting this horrible cold now for a couple of days, and I can't take it anymore! I'm going through tissues like crazy and I'm sick of sounding like a 90 year old man. It also stinks not being able to do my normal routine. I'm just really looking forward to feeling healthy again. :(

Connor will be shadowing the gastro doc tomorrow while I snuggle on the couch with my pillow and a box of kleenex. He's been really getting into his time at the gastrointestinal practice. He's also getting really good with IVs :O I'm not sure how he can handle doing something like that. Hence why I'm am but a mere educator while he is a student doctor. I can't even bare to watch someone else put an IV into an arm let alone be the person doing the jabbing. 

His study schedule has been pretty consistent. BUT that will soon change because his next content exam is quickly approaching. So the small amount cuddly time I get is going to go right out the window! Major bummer. Hopefully, it will come and go painlessly. 

Progress reports go out next week, so I spent the past 2 days writing comments. Not very fun! Doing that on top of everything else (planning, grading, MAKING A GAJILLION COPIES and praying hard that the copier doesn't crap out) wasn't really that great. Thankfully, it's done and submitted! I'm starting to quickly realize that the responsibilities of being a teacher never really end. You could try  to get to the end of that pile of work, but as soon as you do, another pile falls right back down onto your lap. There is literally no such thing as an "end" to all of it.... well of course, not until June 27th! That will be quite a nice end to the madness. Until then, might as well cozy right on up to that pile and get acquainted. Hmph.

Last Sunday, I decided to make a cozy, Fall meal with lots of color. I didn't have a complete plan, but I followed my instincts and I made this!

It was so delicious! I made a lemon chicken with rosemary and roasted red and sweet potatoes. I sauteed the chicken in a pan while I broiled the potatoes in the oven. It was savory and sweet. And I made enough to have leftovers for the next day, which made my Monday very easy. Gotta remember this meal for future dinners! :)

 

Things to look forward to:

1. Pep Rally! I really love the Pep Rally at the HS. It reminds me of all the fun of being a teenager and how much I wish I could go back and really appreciate all of it. And it's also so wonderful to see the kids really enjoy it.

2. Halloween!! My all-time favorite holiday! Last year, Hurricane aka Tropical Storm Sandy totally ruined Halloween for me! I got 2 doorbell rings the whole night, which was a complete letdown. I was totally excited to have my first Halloween in my own house, but that was a bust. So I'm really looking forward to this year's. 

3. Soup Party!! My mother-in-law throws an annual Soup Party (which I blogged about last November) and it's coming up soon. It is one of the best Fall celebrations ever, and I can't wait to eat, drink, and be merry.

Stay happy and healthy, everyone! It's Fall which means beautiful, cool weather and cold and flu season! Gotta take the good with the bad, I guess!

Love,

Mandy

Behind the Curtain of Teaching

Yes, I have come back from the dead! I apologize for taking such a long hiatus. Starting my first year of teaching has seriously hit me like a ton of bricks. It's been really time consuming and just as exhausting as I dreaded it to be. It's not only lots of work during school hours, but also at home. I barely get to come home, relax, and spend time with hubby! :(

I'm hoping that I will soon fall into a routine that will allow me more free time at home. What I have learned so far from just my first 2 full weeks of teaching:

1. Kids today are SERIOUSLY not the same as past generations. This isn't one of those comments that your grandparents made like, "Oh, back in my day...." despite sounding like one. Children today are very different. They have access to way more than we ever did in our youth, which is simultaneously beneficial and harmful.Their perspective of the world can become too complex for their maturity level based on what they learn from unfiltered media. Does this mean children should be brought up in a bubble? Absolutely not! But there should be some progression to them obtaining knowledge about specific things. They are also generally more daring, vocal, and repelled by authority and traditional education, i.e. lecturing, note-taking, obeying classroom rules, and doing anything non-technological or hands-on. And yes, most children by nature have never really liked those things, but in the past have felt much more obligated to follow directions regardless of liking it or not. This tells me education needs to take a new direction.

2. Just because someone is a certain age doesn't mean they are an "adult." Plenty of "adults" I have encountered do not live up to adult expectations, i.e. being professional, caring, ethical, and just. We expect certain behavior from people based on age, and I think that leaves us feeling frustrated and confused. Some people, despite years of experience, don't learn how to be kind or fair to others or even themselves.... And some young people will leave us happily surprised with their maturity, which is always wonderful!

3. Being a teacher requires an excellent sense of balance. You need to know how to balance the energy of a classroom (having fun but also learning), your home life (lesson-planning/grading but also unwinding), and your relationships with colleagues (being respectful of one another despite having differing teaching styles and opinions). All aspects of the profession require you to constantly monitor your behavior and how you prioritize your responsibilities. This is just a good skill to have in any profession.

4. Caring TOO much makes you TOO vulnerable. This is an extension of #3. As a teacher you want nothing but the best for every one of your students and for them to succeed. However, we can only do so much and the child has to meet you halfway. Leaving yourself too emotionally involved isn't healthy and can often leave you feeling disappointed and cynical. Your expectations will not always be the same as theirs. Teaching is a job and as much as it involves being a passionate individual, it is still just a job.

5. Being considered a "good" teacher is so variant depending on who is doing the judging. Trying to prove to others that you are "effective" at what you do is dangerous to your skill. It will most likely render you "ineffective" because you're no longer enjoying what you do, but instead are constantly evaluating yourself using another person's scale. If you leave your class feeling like you did the best job you could possibly do, were fair to every student in the classroom, and also enjoyed what you did for at least 70% of your day then you can go home knowing you are a "good" teacher. People expect too much from teachers and wearing yourself thin does not prove anything to anyone.

Those are just 5 of the many things I have learned so far, and I know plenty more are to follow. I have already been on such a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that I can understand so clearly why teachers are some of the most caring, stressed-out, and intelligent people I know. Anyone who really believes teaching is an easy profession is truly ignorant to the reality of it all. The courage that it takes to guide another human's future and hope that he or she follows that course that you set before them is immense. And crazily enough, I am almost positive teaching takes about only 30% of the courage it takes to be a parent.

I know I haven't updated much about Connor's side of things. I felt it necessary to spare a post on what is eating up most of my life (and to be fair now half of his life also). Connor is a great team player and listens to all of my rants and helps me cook and clean up after I'm worn out from my day. I'm so incredibly thankful to have him as a husband and best friend. He's been doing such a great job with balancing school and our life at home together. We make sure to eat dinner together every day and have an hour after dinner to just unwind on the couch. That's my favorite part of the day. :)

On a really happy note... Fall is almost here! So looking forward to apple and pumpkin picking and baking lots of pies!

Love,
Mandy

Happy Beginnings

Hi guys! Can you believe August is practically over?! I'm still coping with how quickly this month flew right by. Tomorrow is my orientation for the newly hired staff in the district and I'm a little anxious about it, but also very excited. I've worked so hard to get to this point, so it feels so rewarding to have finally reached this point. But I'm also anxious about all the big changes that are coming my way. I know my days of lounging, cooking elaborate dinners, and baking delicious treats are going to be SERIOUSLY limited now. And just the thought that I am going to be in charge of 30+ students' academic futures is a bit scary! When I get freaked out, I remind myself that I earned this position and I am capable of handling whatever comes my way. :)

These past three weeks have been somewhat difficult. It's been a challenge adjusting to Connor's new study schedule. It seems like when he's home that's all he does and I've been really missing our free days together. I was so used to it before Summer started! I got far too spoiled, and now it's like the beginning of first year all over again. :( I remember how hard it was to adjust to then, and, in reality, it isn't as hard as that. This summer was just particularly special because it was basically a long celebration of our wedding, so going back to having very small amounts of quality time wasn't a breeze.

I'm already getting used to it and have accepted it as our new normal. I keep reminding myself that it's not only hard for me, but also very hard for Connor, too. I know it isn't easy to go to class then come home to just sit down at a desk and study all night. I try to make it as bearable as I can. And I'm realizing that having a good attitude about it is the best way to do that!

Since all of this crummy stuff has been going on, I'm excited for a new beginning and starting the school year optimistically. Before I kick off the school year, Connor and I will have one last hurrah at the beach this weekend! I'm hoping the weather is great, so I can get back a little of my summer tan. Yes, I'm already tan! I know.... ;)

Oh I have a picture of my new hairdo! I chickened out and didn't cut off very much, but I did get layers! My hair feels much lighter and healthier. I figured I can cut off more if I choose to later on. But once you cut too much, you can't go back!! D:

This past Sunday, Connor and I went out east and celebrated my brother-in-law's birthday. I baked him an Oreo cake and he really liked it, which made me soo happy! It really makes baking that much more enjoyable for me when I get to see other people loving the food.

I also made a homemade eggplant pizza the other day and Connor really liked it! This was a little accomplishment for me because he's not crazy about vegetable pizzas. He'll eat it and like it, but just won't really enjoy it. So when he said that the eggplant was really good, I smiled and squealed to myself. :P

Look at that handsome man eat!! I still get butterflies ;)

Love,
Mandy <3

The not-so-easy swing of things

Hi guys! Connor started his second year this Monday and got right back into it, which was a little bit of a bummer. I was hoping they'd ease into it, but then I remembered this is medical school we're talking about! There's no such thing as ease! Ease is a luxury that the beast of medical school does not afford us, so I just had to get right back into it, as well!

Before he left for his first day back, I forced Connor to take a picture haha

How do I do that, you might ask? Well, I make myself busy cooking, baking, & organizing. (Luckily, I'm still on Summer break and can enjoy having free-time). I have already tried 2 new recipes that I absolutely fell in love with. Two days ago, I found a recipe online for quinoa veggie wraps, but I decided to adapt it a little. I added grilled chicken strips, pink beans, and avocado. They were amazing! I tossed the pink beans into my quinoa along with some chopped red onion, then added the chicken, sliced avocado & tomato. I wrapped it up tight in a whole wheat wrap then grilled it until it had cute grill lines! :P Connor really enjoyed them, which was a delight to watch. Definitely adding it to my quick work week meals! It only took about 40 minutes total to prepare!

This morning, while rolling around in bed for a good ten minutes, I was imagining a plate of golden brown pancakes on a plate with warm syrup drizzling down the sides. However, I was not in the mood to stuff my face with unhealthy carbs that would leave me feeling hungry again an hour later. Then I remembered another fun recipe that I saw on Pinterest of blueberry greek yogurt pancakes. Lately, I have been such a freak about eating greek yogurt everyday. I have seriously become addicted to it. I buy this really delicious dark chocolate chunk granola and eat it for dessert or just as a snack in the middle of my day. But I digress! I had plenty of greek yogurt at my disposal (and blueberries) to attempt the pancakes. While I was making them I was a little skeptical because the consistency of the batter is a little like a mousse.. not the usual thin, runny batter of regular pancakes. But they turned out to be so tasty! I'm questioning ever making pancakes the old way ever again! They were fluffy, moist, and packed with flavor and protein! :)

Tonight for dinner I made some mashed sweet potatoes with turkey meatloaf and string beans. I enjoyed so much I had a SMALL second plate :X. I couldn't help myself! I've been so in the mood for the Fall season that I needed to recreate Thanksgiving just a little bit!

So what is my medical student husband up to? He is beginning his year with staph infections! Exciting, right?! Yes, we are back to discussing all the yucky things our bodies are capable of doing. The pretend "patient" his group is attempting to diagnose/treat came to the office with a raised bump and surrounding rash on his cheek. He works on a farm on Long Island and is 45 and originally from Honduras. There are so many other factors that my non-sciency brain cannot retain that brought them to investigate a staph infection as a possible diagnosis. Stay tuned to discover the result!

Moving away from yucky stuff.... I am getting my haircut next week and I'm so nervous! My hair has grown so much in the past year and a half and I'm not sure if I'm totally ready to part with even an inch of it. I will decide soon enough how much I'm going to cut off! It's just getting very burdensome and heavy, and I think I'm ready for a fun change now that Fall is headed our way! :) I'll be sure to post pictures after I take the plunge.

Oh and my city date with my mom to see the musical Chicago was a blast! It's very risque and has some great humor. The singing and dancing was also fabulous. My favorite part was the song "Razzle Dazzle." I wanted to quickly snap a picture of all the cool effects, but I was scared I'd be arrested or something awfully similar. But at least I have a wonderful mental memory of it! The cast did such a spectacular job! Bravo!

Love,
Mandy

Preparing for/Dreading Y2

Hello family and friends! I hope all of you have been staying cool this summer season and doing lots of fun things outdoors. Connor and I have been trying to soak up every last bit of our break before he heads back to school next Monday. :( Yes, I said it. Next Monday! Where did the summer go? It seemed to slip right through our fingers. So here we are at the cusp of  summer's end and the beginning of year 2.

Things I will miss about Summer and NO medical school:
1. Sleeping in
2. Having a totally stress-free home
3. Listening to tv/music at a normal volume
4. Seeing the front of Connor's head
5. Cuddling on the couch for hours at a time
6. Not finding index cards all over the house
7. Being able to plan days out completely guilt-free and not worrying about exams

Should I just end it? Yes, yes I will end it because I fear this whole post will become a sad collection of all the things that this Summer gave to us and all that we are saying goodbye to with the oncoming year. Year 2 has a terrible connotation to it. All you have to do is mention year 2 and it will give any medical student a cold shiver down his/her back. It is one of the most difficult years (year 3 will also give us quite a beating) and it won't be easy getting out of it with much of our sanity intact. The boards at the end of the year will hang over heads for many months to come...... yikes.

On top of all the stress of Connor's difficult year ahead, this will also be my first year teaching! As much as I am excited, I am also terrified and anxious of all the unknowns. I know I will not only get through it, but I will do a great job! (See how I've got this pep talk business down-pat?) It won't be easy and I still have so much to learn, but I will make it through! I keep reminding myself of how Connor survived (and thrived) in medical school during his first year. He is such an inspiration to me of how anything is possible when you maintain a good attitude and work hard. This upcoming year will be a challenge for the both of us, but luckily we're going into it together! :) So lucky to have an awesome teammate by my side.

Enough about all of the heavy stuff headed our way. Last week, I celebrated my niece's 5th birthday! I cannot believe how big she is getting! Just to torture myself, I started sorting through all of her baby pictures and getting emotional about how quickly time flies. And how unfair it is that we have to see cute, chunky babies turn into mini-people with real opinions. UGH. (Why do I keep slipping into bummer town?!) SO, we had a blast at Dorney Park and watching Brianna have a great time going on the rides. She was a little picky, so unfortunately we had to see her get on a carousel and a swing ride multiple times. :/

Also, Connor celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago too! I got him a new pair of running sneakers. Thankfully, he really liked them. :)


My birthday is coming up in just a few days!! Next week is my mother's birthday, so we're combining our birthdays and going to see the musical Chicago in the city. I'm really looking forward to it because I haven't been to a musical in such a long time.


Enjoy the rest of summer as much as you can! It is flying by... :(

Love,
Mandy

Our Honeymoon

We left for San Juan, Puerto Rico 2 days after the wedding, thankfully! Because that gave us just a little bit of time to get our lives kind of back to normal before leaving.

The day after the wedding, a major clean up of the house was in order. Our home was a mess from everyone coming in and out, and making bagels and mimosas. My kitchen was gross!! Connor was so sweet--he swept and vacuumed while I washed dishes. We also needed to go the bank, shop, and pack all before leaving for the airport on Wednesday at 4:15am. We spent all of Tuesday shopping and packing and didn't get to bed until midnight to then wake up at 3:30. UGH. Needless to say, I was SO cranky when Connor woke me up! I kept telling myself, "WHYYYYY did we leave all the packing until the last minute?"

Somehow, we were right on time to leave for the airport. We had a car pick us up, which eliminated so much stress. We bought egg sandwiches at an airport deli and waited to board. As soon as I got on the plane, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until I heard a message about us needing to make an emergency landing in Bermuda. Yes, an emergency landing because a woman on the plane got sick. I felt like I was in a movie. I rarely fly, but when I do... something crazy usually happens. I think I might be jinxed. Luckily, the woman was fine, but the emergency landing delayed our arrival in PR for another 2 hours. Yuck.

When we finally made it to our destination, we were exhausted and starving! But we were so excited to be at the resort! It was so pretty! The weather was gorgeous and we couldn't wait to put on our swimsuits. Our view from the room was perfect. The restaurants on the resort were incredible... expensive, but incredible. Our favorite restaurant was called Lemongrass, which was a fusion of Asian and Latin foods. We ate yummy sushi made with lobster, yellow plantains, and churrasco (Spanish fried steak).

We took afternoon and night trips to Old San Juan, which were so much fun! We took tours of the fort, El Morro, and El Castillo de Cristobal. It was so cool to see all the history. It was a little exhausting though with the insanely hot weather! We refreshed ourselves with street ice treats coquito (an coconut icy) and piragua (shaved ice with syrup over it). SO yummy! We also enjoyed all the local restaurants. All the dishes were so tasty. I definitely ate my fair share of yellow plantains (they are my favorite!). One of my favorites was a chicken mofongo dish, which is mashed yellow plantains with garlic and butter and filled with chicken.

By the end of the trip, I was kind of excited to head back to our NY lives as relaxed, tanned newlyweds and see our families again. I couldn't wait to watch our wedding video and relive the day again. I still can't believe it's over, but I'm so happy to enjoy summer as a married couple with no more crazy planning! Now it's time to start saving money, so we can buy a house by the time Connor graduates!  HOPEFULLY! I'm staying optimistic.

Stay cool in this hot, hot heat!

Love,
Mandy

Our day 6.30.13

This lady here is officially a Mrs!!! :) I have been so excited to update you guys on how the rest of my wedding week and honeymoon went! First off, I have to say that since the wedding, I have felt a bajillion times more relaxed. I didn't even realize how stressed out I was on a regular basis during all that intense planning. I am so happy that I can enjoy the post-wedding bliss now.

Our rehearsal dinner on Saturday night was a blast! And the food was out of this world DELICIOUS. It was so exciting seeing everyone the day before the wedding and talking about our anticipation. It just made me that much more excited for the big day.

The morning of the wedding day was HECTIC. I think that would even qualify as an extreme understatement. I used to imagine sitting around in a robe, sipping on a mimosa while a bunch of people fuss over my hair and makeup. I was wrong... way wrong. Hair and makeup took so long, so of course, we were running behind schedule. Not to mention, it was about 90 degrees and almost 100% humidity. So my curly-haired self was in a hair spraying panic. By the time we got back to my house from the salon, the photographer was already at my house taking pictures.  This began the next phase of freak out mode. Bridesmaids were frantically dressing themselves in my bedroom. My mother was dressing my flower girl in the poofiest tulle dress you could imagine while doing her makeup and trying to dress herself. My father was rooting around the house looking for things that needed to go to the reception hall. It was pure mayhem. I could barely catch my breath! So I said farewell to my calm wedding morning expectations and started to find humor in all the wackiness. I literally did not see what I looked like until I got to the ceremony. WHAT?!

 On the way to the ceremony, it started drizzling, which at that point, didn't even phase me. I was just so excited to see Connor! When we finally got to Manhattan College, I wanted to run out of the limo and down the aisle. The anticipation was killing me. But unfortunately 15 pounds of dress, a veil, 4.5 inch heels, and a seriously heavy peony bouquet stopped me. Oh and did I mention, before getting to the chapel, you have to climb a fairly large staircase?....

By the time my dad and I made it to the chapel, my stomach was in knots! I heard the piano start playing my song to signal my procession and all of a sudden, as expected, a waterfall of tears!! It was the most emotional moment of my life. I was so happy, excited and in disbelief that the moment had finally arrived. My favorite part of the ceremony was our love letters that we wrote to each other during the unity candle lighting.

On the drive to the reception, Connor and I drank champagne and relished in all the excitement of being newlyweds! It was such a special time to celebrate together by ourselves. It was so memorable. We finally got to the reception and took a bunch of pictures outside. Luckily, it stopped raining during my ceremony! I was hoping for more sunshine, but I'm told rain means lots of luck! ;)

We danced the night away, ate delicious food, laughed and cried! It was such a special day. My only wish is that it didn't fly by! Everyone kept telling me how fast it would go, but you really don't get it until it's your own wedding. It seems like it was all over in the blink of an eye! All that planning for one incredible, magical, fleeting day.


I will be updating on the honeymoon very soon! :)

Love,
Mrs. Mandy!