Anyway! I was washing the dishes, recollecting my day, and I had come to a bothersome conclusion: women are consistently made a target for critique in regard to physical appearance. So, I started thinking about all the comments I've received while pregnant about my looks. Before I start divulging some of these comments, I feel it necessary to first consider why we feel the importance to examine a woman's physical appearance with such scrutiny. And what I found to be most irritating is that the majority or all of these criticisms come from women themselves.
So, ultimately, the subject of all the scrutiny is also the agent of the scrutinizing. How strange! Or maybe it isn't. If women are consistently feeling attacked about their weight, make-up, or clothes, does it eventually transform their own mode of thinking? I think so. I think it starts to transform their way of viewing themselves and other women.
Woman as the model of idealistic sexuality and physicality is certainly not new. That is an archetype that we are all aware of in any region or culture. But I still do find it strange that some women would rather subject their peers, in either slight or prodigious ways, to this meaningless stereotype.
So! Back to where I started. Early enough in pregnancy (just over a month pregnant), I already started to hear an array of comments such as, "Your face definitely looks different." Or "You already look much fuller." Or my personal favorite "You were so thin and small. It's so weird to see you with a belly." Do I truly believe these people mean any harm? I'm positive most of them don't. Maybe some do, but I'd like to strongly believe the former. Regardless of their intentions, these women choose to focus their attention immediately on the physical aspect of pregnancy because that's what they were conditioned to do since early in age. It has been so rare that I have had the wonderful experience of discussing the beautiful, transformative, emotional journey of pregnancy. Instead, the conversation is reduced mostly to swollen ankles, enlarged breasts, and mysteriously subtle, but present, changes to my face.
Unfortunately women, pregnant or not, experience this kind of critique on a regular basis. Whether it's a bad hair day, or you decide not to wear make-up and are told all day that you look tired and in need of sleep. Whether or not the woman in front of you is intellectually capable of holding a stimulating conversation, you decide instead to mention something as mundane and arbitrary as her choice of attire. How funny it would be to see one man approach another man about the length of his pants.
All women know the feeling of being reduced to the length of their skirt, the neckline of their blouse, or a number on a scale. We all know that horrible feeling of having to feel ashamed of our femininity for either dressing in some unfitting way or not wearing enough concealer. Because we are all familiar with that awful feeling, we should make a genuine effort to support one another by not torturing one another with mindless, outdated notions of female beauty and standards. We should instead respect one another for their accomplishments by reminding each other how strong and intelligent we truly are.
Will this ridiculously lengthy post change everything? NO. Of course not, but if I at least made one person think about this topic, then I can smile. :) I know I want my daughter growing up to be supported by the words of women, not afflicted by them.
Love,
Mandy
