Our First Mother's Day

Today is my first Mother's Day and it's truly a strange feeling! I've celebrated plenty of Mother's Days before, but it finally has a new meaning for me. This day makes me relive the day Mia was born. I remember being exhausted in the hospital, and my husband hands me a tiny pink bundle of love. At that moment, I became a mom. Of course, throughout my pregnancy, I felt like a mom. I was carrying around my daughter on my person: the closest we would ever be in our lifetime together! But, nope. I was not quite there yet to mommyhood. It was all preparation for the real deal to come.

It's the whole --this is a human, separate from me, and now I am responsible to keep every harmful thing in the outside world away from her-- that defines the journey. I have to keep doing that with my invisible cape draped over my back until Mia is old enough to make the right decisions on her own based on all the lessons my husband and I teach her. THE PRESSURE!

All that pressure and how we handle it daily is what makes a mom an incredible being. First, let's examine life pre-baby...

I never knew or understood how important this life we are living is until I created a new one (with my husband's and God's help, of course). Before a child, your life is about you: your education, your career, those new shoes fresh out of the box with that crisp smell, a night out drinking then sleeping past 10am, or the lobster dinner at a fancy restaurant you are paying inordinate amounts of money for just because. The crazy thing about all of that is, you have no idea how much your life revolves around you before you have a child. It feels so natural to put yourself and your needs and wants first. Our whole life, our parents are reinforcing how important it is to take care of ourselves and to acknowledge the purpose of our life. We are told to find our SELF, and that's exactly what we do. 

Then a tiny, little human gets placed on your lap. She's taking the lightest breaths you ever heard, her skin is like dew, and (if your lucky like I was) the most beautiful, open eyes look up at you like they already know everything about you. And its true. The tiny bundle does know. She was inside of you for nine months, learning your entire inner workings, physically and emotionally. Mia felt me laugh and cry, she knew my favorite foods, she knew I loved chocolate almond milk every night at 8 o'clock. I imagined her waiting for it, mouth open every night in the dark abyss of my belly. She knew when I was angry or frustrated, and felt my heart beat a little faster. Mia knew it all and I was just there staring back at her in awe of her magical clairvoyance. What did I know? Nothing, because Life with a capital "L" was totally different than what I thought it was. That's why people tell you the moment you lock eyes with your baby, the entire world around you dissolves. It is almost palpable and it will frighten you and thrill you at the same time. Life was starting all over again.

Now I'm a mom and I get it. It's so cliche, but I do. Now I get my mother. There are times where I am rocking Mia to sleep (Yes, I shouldn't be doing this anymore at her age, but sue me! Can't resist.) and I think of my own mother. I think of how much she loves me and how her heart must swell with love when she remembers me as her own tiny bundle of love, breathing lightly on her chest. I remember fighting with her as a teenager, totally perplexed by her inability to LEAVE me alone and let me live my own life. Oh, how naive. How naive I was to not understand that I was her life, and she couldn't just "leave me alone" because that would mean abandoning her own heart on the other side of my bedroom door right where she stood, waiting for me to "get it"... waiting for it to click.

It clicked at 7:34pm on September 8th, 2014. It clicked very loudly. Now I felt the pressure. Not just the physical pressure of having had a 7 pound baby extracted from my 5 foot body, but the emotional pressure. I will keep you safe, baby Mia, and I will love you forever. I kept repeating that over and over, trying to make sense of the huge responsibility I was just handed. And I will continue to say it until my last day breathing on this planet.

My average day is completely different now that Mia Rose is in my life. When I say completely different, I get this feeling that I'm not even conveying it clearly enough, but I think that's normal. But through all the craziness of chasing diaperless Mia across our apartment with a diaper in one hand or waking up at 5 in the morning to a babbling, kicking baby ready to start her day as if that was a humane hour to do such a thing, I get lots of amazing moments in between... and I mean LOTS. 

Mia gently combs my hair with her miniature fingers as she falls asleep on my shoulder; she laughs really hard when I tickle her neck and the sides of her chunky belly; she turns the pages of her books as we read in bed before naps and bedtime; she shakes her head no when she doesn't want to eat or if she knows she's touching something she shouldn't be, like my curtains. She makes me feel like I'm the best person in the universe when I'm gone for even a minute and she sees me again. Mia doesn't care if my hair isn't perfect, if I'm not wearing makeup, or if I wake up with a pimple. She always loves me with the same pure and honest love each and every day. Who could possibly ask for more? 

I couldn't imagine many moms saying it's an easy gig because it's not. It's incredibly difficult. Every day is a new challenge to face and some days you will want to hide under your bed and say "Enough is Enough! How much can one human take?!" because it's a 24/7 job. It doesn't matter how tired or sick you feel; you have to keep going and take care of that little critter. And then you remember, you're a mom. You can take a whole lot more than you ever imagined. You'll remember the person you were before that baby, and think to yourself, "My God, I really can do anything."  

To sum this up. I wish all mommies the most fabulous Mother's Day. Rest as much as you can, eat anything you want without any guilt, and hug your babies tightly all day long because tomorrow they will be just a little bigger and a little older.

And to my beautiful, blossoming Mia Rose. I thank God that you made me a mommy. It is the best job I will ever have in this life. Watching you grow is the greatest privilege I've been given. Love you from here to the stars.

Love,

Mandy & Mia

Love Does the Dirty Work

Greeting, blogosphere, I write to you from mommy-land! It's been almost 6 weeks since my little Mia Rose was born and albeit the most exhausting 6 weeks I've ever experienced, they have also been the most magical! Just as I suspected, seeing my little one for the first time would overwhelm me with the most powerful love a human could ever imagine. I'm pretty sure I cried non-stop for the first 2 weeks every time I saw, smelled, touched, or thought of my precious baby girl. So yes, I am still learning to compartmentalize all this love into pockets! At times, the love overflows out of me, but I'm getting a handle of it! ;)

First, I want to share the beautiful details of our daughter's birth. At about 2:30 AM my water broke in bed and it was the scariest, effing thing I ever woke up to. I was shaking uncontrollably because this was it. This baby had to find a way out one way or another and that meant me experiencing a whole lot of pain. So, after calling the doctor, getting the hospital bags together, and stuffing a granola bar in my mouth, (By the way, EAT MORE FUTURE MOMMIES! That was my last "real" meal for 17 hours. Not a good idea.) we drove to the hospital. After 17 hours of painful contractions, 3 nurse changes, and 2 bowls of soup broth, my doctor told me the safest thing to do was to proceed with a c-section, especially since I was starting to get a fever. Cue the tears. I was scared out of my mind! I've seen plenty of c-section videos, but nothing can prepare you for someone to tell you that or the surgery itself. I don't care how strong you are, THAT CRAP HURTS. Despite the plethora of drugs they pump into your body, the pain is very much so present! Thankfully, I had my partner-in-crime/best hubby in the world, beside me telling me how awesome I was. AWWW.

Anyway, after what felt like a lifetime of being on that operating table, finally I heard the doctor tell me she was out and she did so by exclaiming, "Look at those lips! She's beautiful!" In front of my face came the cutest, pinkest, rosebud baby with even pinker, pouty lips ready to kiss her mommy and daddy right on the cheek. Cue the tears again. Suddenly, the world made sense. Mia Rose was born 7 pounds and 2 ounces, 20 inches long, and perfect.

Being a mom is incredible. Yuck, that doesn't even describe the half of it! Mia is magic. Her eyes looking at me is magic. It's not of this world; it's something way bigger than I can ever explain. From the first day I learned that I would be a mommy, I felt lucky--scared out of my mind, but lucky. I knew that this baby would change Connor's and my life forever for the best. And even when people close to us doubted the timing of this miracle, we still stood our ground that this was meant to be. God decided it was our time to be parents to a beautiful baby girl. It took so much courage for Connor and I to stand up to those who criticized us for having a baby while he was still in medical school. There were times that I would cry to him in bed at night because it killed me emotionally that those who should have given us strength were instead filling us with fear. All we could do was have faith that God's timing is never wrong and lean on those who supported us and reminded us of the exciting future to come. I'm so thankful for those friends and family who stuck with us the whole way through our long pregnancy journey! Especially my mom who is always a fountain of love and my good work friends, Clare bear and Ally who listened to my crap and reminded me to laugh at it all.

Yes, having a a baby while a husband is in medical school is a challenge. Because the nature of this blog is to honestly talk about how our personal life and medical school intertwine, I certainly don't want to leave out that  harsh  reality. Getting maybe 5 hours of (really bad) sleep then waking up at 4:30 AM for a surgery rotation and getting home at 6:30PM to go to bed by 8PM is a huge challenge. Connor does a fantastic job of making it look easy because of his awesome personality. Thank God for that! At night, we look at each other and say "This is CRAZY. How are we doing this?" Then we remind ourselves that love is doing it. The love we have for Mia and for our marriage is doing the dirty (diaper) work for us. The only easy thing about it is showering our gorgeous daughter with lots of hugs and kisses!

So with all the good, the bad, the ugly that comes with being new parents, you start to learn so much more about yourself. You learn that negativity is stupid and pointless and more people need to stop wasting so much energy on it. I want nothing but positive energy surrounding my daughter.. always, as long as I can help it. You also learn to forgive more easily because when you reflect on the beauty and the innocence of a newborn, you remember that life is so much more than being angry at or resentful for the mistakes of others. And lastly, you learn that nothing is more important than saying I love you... Especially to your husband after a long day of feeding sessions, bottle washing, diaper changes, laundry washing, and vomit cleaning!

Love,

Mandy, Connor, & Mia

The Ever-Growing Pockets

After finally reaching this incredible milestone in my pregnancy - 37 weeks! - I have a flood of emotions taking me in all sorts of different directions. These past 8 and a half months have been so life changing that when I sit and take time to reflect, my body starts to think I'm sprinting on my old high school track and I can feel my heart start to race. I am not sure how a person can transform so much in under a year, but I feel as though I've gone through this rapid, internal transformation and trying to make sense of that is exhausting and overwhelming.

I always try to explain to others my life pre-Connor -- before I fell in love with this perfect guy. I try to articulate how different I was internally and I struggle to get my point across. That's partly because words, as much as they can free you, they can also severely limit you at your most extreme emotional peaks or valleys. But also because of how impossible it is to articulate something as personal and non-concrete as internal involvement. Only I know where my thoughts were at that time in my life and what my heart was telling me. Here I go trying to explain something so abstract yet again... (my writer self doesn't let me give up!).

There's a very specific independence that you feel when you come to terms with who you are and accepting that self -- a self that is simply yours and no one else's. I believe some people may never experience this in their life. They went from one relationship to the next and somehow missed this phase. But I certainly felt that comfort before Connor. I was happy being on my own, and enjoying the time to explore the fantasy of my mind and where it could take me. I dreamed of so many things other than love and commitment. I had faith in the future I was going to build myself with no one else's input.

Then one day that version of myself slowly started to blend into another picture. I imagine it just like a kaleidoscope: one beautiful image slowly morphing to another -- some parts staying constant and others molding into something new. People say love shouldn't change you, but I find that absurd. It's emotionally chemically impossibly not to change when the real deal walks into your world. Your brain just flicks a switch. And discovering the magic of one person coming into your life and changing something (God, I hate how inadequate that word is) --something that you'll never able to pinpoint or describe -- is so incredible, yet terrifying!

Becoming part of another human being is intense. Every day I spent with Connor, I felt myself getting more emotionally intertwined and invested, and it scared me. I remember one night, before bed, I looked at him and thought, "If I were ever to lose this person completely, what would I feel?" And my heart sank like a rock into my stomach, and I realized CRAP! This is what it's like to really love someone! It's fear, anxiety, amazement, magic, worry, a spectrum of emotions that you can barely get a handle of while you stir the sugar into your morning coffee.

So there was that. My first huge emotional transformation all wrapped up in another human's physical self. It's easy to invest your life in the intangible--ideas that float around like imaginary paper airplanes. They are safe and untouched by the threats of real life, like car accidents and Ebola. But human flesh --something so tangible and fragile-- held my entire emotional being. SCARY! After five years of journeying through life as a couple, I learned how to deal with that huge love. I had to compartmentalize it into all the fibers of my being. Just like how the extensive amount of shoes in my closet fall into their own little pockets of space in my closet, my love has found pockets of space in my body: nose, pinky toe, elbow...until my entire body has consumed this utterly huge amount of love.

And just as I got used to organizing this massive, eluding collection of feelings, I now try to grapple with yet another enormous life change --bringing a child into this world. Wait. Let me elaborate -- our child -- a child produced from that crazy, ridiculous, intense love that I always try to put into frivolous words. So now this love is multiplied by numbers too large to crunch on the most intelligent scientific calculator you could imagine. Here comes that heart attack feeling creeping up on me.

What am I supposed to do with this all of this? My living closet self has no more pockets! Will I explode from trying to stuff so much emotional paraphernalia in this 5 foot nothing space? I am paralyzed by the idea of seeing the physical manifestation of this love. I dream of it at night and wake up with my heart beating out of my chest. This little girl has stolen my heart since the day I found out she was growing in my belly. And yet however large this weight gets, there is nothing left to do but expand! My pockets will grow pockets and those mysteriously enduring spaces where our deepest feelings live all over our body will stretch to unreasonable limits to fit and contain the boundless love I have for this precious little girl.

As the months went by and the stakes got higher during this pregnancy, all I could do is pray. Ever day, I pray for her health and safety; I pray for my husband to stay healthy and safe as he will soon have 2 ladies waiting for him to come home every day to hug him tightly, and I pray for myself to have the strength to bear all this love and all the worry it brings with it.

Becoming a mother is a genuinely fascinating experience. It's such an incredible feeling to grow a life inside of you and to carry that memory with you forever. I will never forget the feeling of hearing Mia's heartbeat for the first time, or feeling her first kick. I will never forget the worry I feel if she stops moving for more than 10 minutes and praying to God to feel even the smallest movement so I can breathe normally again (yes, I'm that neurotic!).  I will never forget throwing up every morning and night in the first 3 months and yet still finding the energy to smile because you know you're feeling like crap for a reason WAY better than eating bad Chinese food.

So, this is what a mother-to-be feels like at 37 weeks waiting (impatiently!) to finally hold her baby in her arms. I will surely post what all of this feels like after I meet my baby girl so soon!


Love,
A mommy with ever-growing pockets of love <3

Hello to Year 3!

Hi guys! I'm writing from the pregnancy twilight zone where time abides by a different set of rules! Holy cow, I feel like I've been pregnant for a lifetime! I am just starting week 35 today and I am really looking forward to these next 5 weeks going by quickly. It seems as though the faster you want the time to go by, the slower it goes. Oh, you know what I'm talking about if you have ever been to a DMV, had an office job, took a boring lecture class, or... HAVE BEEN PREGNANT.

So sure, I can sit here and complain about how sick I am of heartburn, leg cramps, carpal tunnel, frequent trips to the loo, lack of sleep,  gaining weight, swollen hands and feet, wearing maternity clothes, and how everything is just considerably more difficult to do with this big belly. BUT I won't! Nope. Instead, I will say, I am eager to meet my beautiful baby girl and hold her in my arms. I can't wait to feel her warm little body, see her little eyes open, and smell her sweet baby skin. YAY! That'll make these insane 9 months all worth it!

Moving away from pregnancy... Connor has begun year 3! WOOO. Yet another milestone in this long journey has finally arrived! We celebrated his white coat ceremony last month, which was so emotional. It was just so exciting to see the material realization of all his hard work. I was such a proud wife. I could even feel baby girl's happiness from inside my tummy.

Last week was his first week of General Medicine rotations. He is currently in the ICU and has been trying all sorts of new things and impressing the pants the white coats off the residents. Again, my hubby proves to be super-awesome! So far, the hours have not been horrible at all. We've been very lucky. I was pretty nervous, but he gets home in time for dinner. Of course dinner is now about an hour later than usual, but I'm okay with that! As great as this rotation is, I won't keep my expectations up for this! I know every rotation will bring an entirely new experience, so I'm keeping my mind open. It really is just a relief to be making progress in this long adventure. The past 2 pre-clinical years felt like forever! Hoping that the clinical half will progress with a little more momentum. I think they will, especially with baby girl, Mia. But don't go by too quickly, you evil manipulator Time! I still want to enjoy all the craziness while it lasts.

Excuse the paper plate. Birthday means no dishes!

Last Saturday, I celebrated my 26th birthday! It was lots of fun to just have hubby home with me. All I really wanted for my birthday was a big french toast breakfast, so Connor and I had fun putting it all together. I used Challah bread, and made a blueberry sauce and whipped cinnamon cream. Everything was so delicious! My mom and niece joined us for breakfast and it was so wonderful! Later in the day, we went out to dinner at an Irish restaurant nearby. I had steak, potatoes, and spinach - so good. All in all, it was a birthday filled with love and good food. I certainly can't complain. :)

For my birthday, Connor got me a really cool DSLR camera to take pictures of baby Mia! It was the best gift ever! I can't wait to photograph my little princess like crazy. Photo shoots in cute baby outfits galore coming soon! Hope you guys are ready for it. haha ;) Yesterday, I was watching tutorials with Connor to try to learn how to use the fancy piece of technology. I'm practicing taking pictures around the house and using a stuffed dog as a place holder for little Mia. NORMAL. Yes, I have lots of time on my hands right now!

Summer is quickly coming to a close, which means I'm that much closer to meeting our little girl! AHHH. Please September, just get here already! :D

Love,
Mandy

After an offensively hot day of teaching in a high school without air conditioning, I feel exhausted and yet eager to share my thoughts on some of the strange experiences I've had while pregnant. I came home today, damp from sweat, so of course I wasn't feeling my greatest. Luckily, the hubby was home with a giant smile on his face and waiting for me with the biggest and coziest hug. After dealing with irritable people all day in the scorching heat, it's so nice to come home to unconditional love.

Anyway! I was washing the dishes, recollecting my day, and I had come to a bothersome conclusion: women are consistently made a target for critique in regard to physical appearance. So, I started thinking about all the comments I've received while pregnant about my looks. Before I start divulging some of these comments, I feel it necessary to first consider why we feel the importance to examine a woman's physical appearance with such scrutiny. And what I found to be most irritating is that the majority or all of these criticisms come from women themselves.

So, ultimately, the subject of all the scrutiny is also the agent of the scrutinizing. How strange! Or maybe it isn't. If women are consistently feeling attacked about their weight, make-up, or clothes, does it eventually transform their own mode of thinking? I think so. I think it starts to transform their way of viewing themselves and other women.

Woman as the model of idealistic sexuality and physicality is certainly not new. That is an archetype that we are all aware of in any region or culture. But I still do find it strange that some women would rather subject their peers, in either slight or prodigious ways, to this meaningless stereotype.

So! Back to where I started. Early enough in pregnancy (just over a month pregnant), I already started to hear an array of comments such as, "Your face definitely looks different." Or "You already look much fuller." Or my personal favorite "You were so thin and small. It's so weird to see you with a belly." Do I truly believe these people mean any harm? I'm positive most of them don't. Maybe some do, but I'd like to strongly believe the former. Regardless of their intentions, these women choose to focus their attention immediately on the physical aspect of pregnancy because that's what they were conditioned to do since early in age. It has been so rare that I have had the wonderful experience of discussing the beautiful, transformative, emotional journey of pregnancy. Instead, the conversation is reduced mostly to swollen ankles, enlarged breasts, and mysteriously subtle, but present, changes to my face.

Unfortunately women, pregnant or not, experience this kind of critique on a regular basis. Whether it's a bad hair day, or you decide not to wear make-up and are told all day that you look tired and in need of sleep. Whether or not the woman in front of you is intellectually capable of holding a stimulating conversation, you decide instead to mention something as mundane and arbitrary as her choice of attire. How funny it would be to see one man approach another man about the length of his pants.

All women know the feeling of being reduced to the length of their skirt, the neckline of their blouse, or a number on a scale. We all know that horrible feeling of having to feel ashamed of our femininity for either dressing in some unfitting way or not wearing enough concealer. Because we are all familiar with that awful feeling, we should make a genuine effort to support one another by not torturing one another with mindless, outdated notions of female beauty and standards. We should instead respect one another for their accomplishments by reminding each other how strong and intelligent we truly are.

Will this ridiculously lengthy post change everything? NO. Of course not, but if I at least made one person think about this topic, then I can smile. :) I know I want my daughter growing up to be supported by the words of women, not afflicted by them.

Love,
Mandy

The Love of 3

What a whirlwind the past couple of months have been! I am so excited to just spill all the beans and catch you up on our past 5 months.

In early January, Connor and I received the happiest (albeit kinda scary!) news of our lives: we are expecting our first baby in September of this year! Finding out the news was truly life changing, but ever since that day, I've only grown more excited to be a mommy. This certainly wasn't in our 2 year plan, but sometimes God has different plans for us. And I have to say, plans that involve this big of a blessing have to be welcomed with open arms. :)

The first three months of pregnancy were.... difficult. Morning sickness took a hold on my soul and decided it wasn't letting go for a long time. Every morning without fail, I felt as though I was up all night sucking down the strongest margaritas on Earth without stopping to breathe. And it lasted ALL DAY. Whoever termed it "morning" sickness is a cruel person. If you have the misfortune of experiencing morning sickness, it will be a 24 hour battle. Ultimately, that completely ruined food. FOOD. One of my greatest joys and pleasures in life as most of you know from my blog. EVERYTHING LOOKED, TASTED, AND WENT DOWN like it was vomit. Oh, too much information? I apologize, but after living through that, I feel as though just hearing about it is the smallest favor this world can give back to me! ;) And forget about cooking! Handling raw meat... no. way.

It's a girl!!

So now, at week 22, what's the difference? EVERYTHING! Everything is different. I can eat (voraciously) and I can actually stay awake past 7:30pm! That was a delightful and welcomed change after falling asleep on the couch almost immediately after dinner every night for 2 months. Sleeping (during the day) I think was the only thing that helped me survive the death grip of morning sickness. Unfortunately for me, I was not sleeping at night! Sleeping at night was disrupted by stomach upset, headaches, frequent bathroom trips, and anxiety. But I'm very happy to say those days are long gone! Of course not the frequent bathroom trips. I am still zombie-ing my way to the loo at least 2 times a night. I always imagine the baby at night locating my bladder and just kicking it or squeezing it for fun like it's a rubber toy. It's her nighttime antics already at play.

It's obvious from reading this, I've experienced all the ugly and troubling symptoms of pregnancy. But what about all the good? I have to tell you-- the good is what will get you. It will make you feel like the happiest and strongest woman in the world. The good makes me believe in all the butterflies and rainbows in the world because there is nothing better than growing a life inside of you --a  special life that is the product of love. I feel incredibly lucky, already, to be the mom to my little girl. Whenever I feel her moving around in my tummy, I get this overwhelming emotion that makes me unbelievably thankful that I'm here on this planet. All the crummy stuff that we go through on a regular basis means nothing because in the scope of it all, it doesn't matter. Mean people, bills, Mondays, traffic, paper cuts, the common cold... NONE of that sums up life. What really matters is growing the amount of love you create and give in this world.

How could a human the size of a papaya make me come to such a cheesy life altering conclusion? It's hard to articulate quite honestly. I don't think it can easily be explained. It's something I wouldn't have ever understood until I experienced it. Seeing my baby grow from the size of a gummy bear at week 8 to a 20 week baby that has hands that curl into a fist and knees that bend and allow her to kick and flip around is magic! Sure, it sounds cliche. But cliches are true. Pregnancy is a miracle and I wouldn't change this whole life-flipping-upside-down thing for anything in the world.

Most of the comments I hear about being pregnant with a husband in medical school are laden with anxiety and fear.. understandably! The first three months, I would toss around in bed for hours wondering how this will all work out. Then last week in a public bathroom,  after some light conversation, an older woman said to me, "You guys are brave. Trust me, you won't ever regret the adventure." I looked at her with so much surprise because that was the coolest thing anyone has said to me yet.

Connor and I have never really lived an "ordinary" life since we met. We always laugh about it. It's been a wild, crazy, and ridiculously fun ride since we first fell in love with each other. The intensity of our connection was sometimes too much for a few people, but that same intensity has blessed us with nothing but success and happiness. I have an unending faith in God that Connor, me, and our precious baby will be protected on our crazy journey. Some people were meant for the extraordinary adventure in life because they can handle the ride. I think that's us. You can't avoid the downs of the ride either, but we always get through them because we love each other. And now, we're even luckier, because the love of 2 is growing to the love of 3.

Love,
Mandy

Embracing the Moment

After being told by my very genuine father-in-law that my blog was becoming "stale," (Thanks, Dad in law for your honesty! ;)) I thought I should finally come out of my writing coma and get right back into it!

Connor and I have been really enjoying our break together... I think a little too much because it is flying right by us! Soon enough we will be right back to our work routines. I'm certainly not looking forward to that. I've been in such a relaxed state, just thinking about going back to work makes my eye twitch and my throat dry up. Next Monday morning, I will be like a 7 year old crying and yanking at my bed sheets. I shudder just thinking about it. Let's go back to dream land now.

So far, Connor and I have traveled all over to visit family for the holidays. I hope all of you had a wonderful and happy Christmas! We had such a blast celebrating our first Christmas together as a married couple. It was extra special because my family joined Connor's for an extravagant X-Mas Eve dinner at my in-law's out east. It was so much fun and the food was incredible, as always. I really can't brag enough. It's just that good! We had the tenderest filet mignon I could ever imagine tasting, along with many other goodies. There's seriously nothing like holiday eating! I can't remember what life was like just a week ago because I started stuffing my face every 2 hours. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it...Yikes.

My family stayed over our little home and we spent Christmas morning together eating a yummy breakfast and opening gifts. It was the perfect way to spend the holiday, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier.

We also did some shopping last weekend and got some great deals at the outlets! I bought a really great Coach purse and wallet, and Connor racked up some great shirts at J.Crew. The deals are too good to be ignored!! Well, we had to take advantage of all the sales because we sure won't be shopping like this again anytime soon! After the holidays, my wallet starts coughing up dust, which is a sign to start saving again.

How could I not mention this sooner? It's New Year's Eve! I'm sure I just gave it away that I'm not doing anything super noteworthy tonight. NYE is kind of overrated for me, and I just can't understand all the hype sometimes. I get that it's very intriguing to be able to reinvent yourself for a new year. I myself get intrigued by that, too. But quite honestly, NYE is way more depressing to me than it is exciting. I find it sad how time is so fleeting and how most people and things rush life just to get to another goal or time. I wish  we could appreciate the present much more than we actually do. I know that not everyone treats NYE as some throw away of the old and in with the new, but that's often the idea represented by it. I guess when it really comes down to it the day is all about hope. People need hope in order to feel motivated and like they are moving forward. And a fresh start in a year has that exact appeal that they are searching for. I can't argue against the power behind hope. I certainly have many hopes for the upcoming year: I hope Connor does outstandingly on his boards, I hope I survive this first year teaching without anymore tears and hair pulling moments, and I hope my husband and I can enjoy more time together, despite our hectic schedules. However, I do want to take time to say that we are free to resolve to do anything at any time in our lives, not just one day of the year. And if you are going to resolve to do something for the year, let it include enjoying the present because in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

2013 has brought me so many memories. I got married to my best friend and got my first teaching job . So, I have a lot to be thankful for. Who knows what this year will bring our way. I will be hopeful that it will be nothing but good things. I don't know if it could top this year, though!

Okay, that's all for my cliche rant! I wish everyone an exciting and safe New Year's Eve! Make sure you get that lucky kiss at midnight. Can't wait for mine with my hubby! ;)

Love,
Mandy